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Imagine that your task is to describe a Commodore 64 game in an alternate reality where every single Commodore 64 game was purged from existence. Now imagine that, instead of spending an hour writing a bunch of words that people will willfully misinterpret, or filming a tedious hour-long Youtube vlog that nobody is going to watch, you get on your Steam client, navigate to Flag N Frag, and launch it.

Imagine your audience experiencing the incredible music, the blocky yet colorful and functional graphics, the gameplay that is vaguely similar to modern gaming yet at the same time odd and vestigial, and the fact that this game is not nearly as fun as you'd imagine, infer, or remember, as the case may be.

Congratulations. You've done it. Because this game is the very archetype of a C-64 game. The music is absolutely incredible, it's just a pity that the game itself completely falls apart due to its reliance on a "battle mode" that's far too fast-paced and chaotic for a human to do well at, and far too simple for the computer AI. Imagine Pong played at ten times the speed, and you have to hit a button in order to actually deflect the ball. Even against another human it'd be more "goofy button mashing" than an out-and-out competition, but against a computer? Forget it, it's not even remotely fun.

What the devs say: "A crazy puzzle game unlike any other".

What the devs mean: "Yet another platform puzzler that looks and plays like it was farted out in the 1990s with a pirated copy of Klik n' Play. Touch key to unlock door, then go through door. Collect coins for points. Avoid enemies. If you die, you leave a weird box on the ground that looks like a glitched out door sprite of some sort (seriously, wtf is this even supposed to be), which can then be used as a platform. If you die in a narrow corridor, your path is now blocked forever, reset level and try again. Sometimes the sounds glitch out. If you try to use the "freeze time" powerup when you don't actually have one in your inventory, you're treated to the clangorous sounds of a Merzbow demo. Hit detection is ridiculously finicky, and your hitbox actually changes based on whether you're facing right or left. If you so much as look at an enemy, you instantly die. The finicky twitchy controls make this very, very likely. Every time you launch the game you get to watch the thirty second unskippable introduction which is sort of like a Pac-Man intermission or the intro to SMB3, except since it's unskippable it cannot be skipped, due to being unskippable. Please give us $6.99 for this experience."

What they should have said: "A sh­itty puzzle game like many, many others".

The game loads and plays and only occasionally glitches out, so I mean it COULD theoretically be worse, but there's still no reason whatsoever to play this game, and even less reason to pay money to do so.

The visuals are very nice, with vivid colors and surreal landscapes, though it can be hard telling what counts as a foreground object and what's merely a background detail.

Unfortunately, everything else about this game ranks between "mediocre" to "inept". The music is the same unimaginative minimalist orchestral stuff you hear in every other puzzle game these days. The gameplay itself is cluttered and confused, with clashing mechanics (the "click and drag your water to the target" mechanic is just astoundingly awful, and the "click these random blobs to refill your click-and-drag meter is jarringly out of place and seems to serve no real purpose), and the level design comes across as thoughtless and random, like playing random community-generated maps in other games.

If the devs had stuck to what works (building platforms on surreal landscapes to guide water to the target) and focused on designing levels that were thoughtful and shaped along a natural difficulty curve, this would be a fun little casual time-waster. But this game is a good example of "more is less", and the asking price of $9.99 drags it down from "mediocre" to "hahahahahaha absolutely not".

Absolutely vacuous, inexcusably lazy crap in every regard.

Choose from one of two characters, identical in every way except one is a grey block with one frame of animation that collects carrots and the other is a pink block with one frame of animation and the carrots being sprite-swapped to acorns.

Navigate through dozens of completely awful levels trying to collect the icons of your character's choice while avoiding hoards of lazy enemies and jumping across terrible platforms that move without rhyme or reason.

In many stages, sets of vertically moving platforms oscillate in such a way as to render them impassable after the first ten seconds - both will be at their peaks at the same point in time.

Reeking of lazy, inept game design in every possible regard, Bunny and Piggy would still be a ripoff at 10% of the price.

What an absolute puddle of inexcusable garbage. Set in the dystopian streets of Russia where the streets are lined with 1950s greasers and protein pills litter the street, your mission is to trundle down a straight, auto-scrolling street, dodging greasers and collecting protein powder and energy bars while listening to unimaginative rockabilly metal music on a 30 second loop. But there's a twist: You also have to dodge cigarettes and alcohol. If you get touched by a greaser, you die. If you miss a protein powder or energy bar, you should immediately touch the nearest greaser because there's no winning the level.

Once you beat four levels of this mind-numbingly awful dogsh­it, there's a twist: Now you can destroy greasers by touching them, and you must touch every greaser on the level.

I couldn't will myself to complete four more stages of this mind-numbingly awful piece of trash, but I suspect based on the menu icons that the next four levels involve touching engine blocks while avoiding something else, and the eight levels after that involve dodging women or possibly beating the crap out of them, either activity would be equally believable in the bulk-obsessed nofap world this game seeks to present.

Let me just reiterate: This game is absolute garbage. It's not fun garbage. It's not clever garbage. It's not even ambitious enough to be interestingly awful. It would be barely-acceptable as a high school introduction to programming midterm. It's something you'd find on a Flash Game Fun Page in the late 1990s. It's not worth a dollar. It's not worth half a dollar. It wouldn't even be worthwhile as a free to play game. It's the epitome of a sh­it-awful Greenlight game. Everyone involved - the cretins who created it, the cretins who spammed it through Greenlight, and the cretins who left "funny" positive reviews to make sure the game is spammed on people's Discovery Queues - should be ashamed of themselves.

So many great ideas here completely undermined by awful art design. Your shots feel powerless and disappear into the background, it's hard to tell when you're actually causing damage to the enemies, and even harder to tell when enemies are considered "on the ground" (requiring a different shot) or not.

If this game was re-released with a few competent art people doing a graphics overhaul, it might be one of the greatest shmups of the decade, but as it currently is, it's all potential with very little delivery, no matter how hard one tries to like it for the innovations it brings to the table.

A stealth game with clunky controls, broken line-of-sight, a useless main attack, ineffective and sparse traps, indistinct visuals, psychic guard AI, and make-or-break RNG.

A nice idea in theory but utterly dreadful execution. The only winning strategy is to hide in an empty room and wait for people to come by so you can pick them off one-by-one. You have no real influence over their decisions, so you can be standing there for whole minutes at a time with nothing to do. Even once a character enters, killing them isn't as easy as it sounds, since your main attack only extends horizontally, and has about a five-pixel range at best. It's like watching paint dry and eventually it's hard not to get bored and leave, even though leaving means certain death at the hands of the clunky controls, psychic cops, and one-use-only escape mechanisms.

Finally, to top it all off, the slow movement speed and slug-like pace makes restarting a level a tedious frustration.

Overhyped and utterly overpriced - it's a game that's more enjoyable when you're watching a streamer play it and get frustrated than when you're the one actually playing it.

Even though the mechanics in this game are completely different from VVVVVV, I would recommend this to fans of VVVVVV in a heartbeat. Static screens, tricky but not impossible jumping puzzles, and kickass chiptune music.

Don't be fooled by the absolutely horrid SHMUP opening - this is one of the better indie platformers of 2016, and at a VERY reasonable price, to boot. It harkens back to an era of Steam where indie games weren't all overpriced Early Access games or tedious RPGMaker clones.

A quick "art-game" with some decent chiptune music. Honestly, it's such a simple little game that there's not much to say about it. This is more of a "neutral" than a "thumbs up", but if it's on sale and you like weird games that don't overstay their welcome, you'll probably be entertained for an hour or two.

Absolute garbage. Run around one of three levels touching all the objects to make them disappear. Try not to glitch the camera out. You're pursued by a couple of spheres but pretty much every time you make an object disappear you can grab an invincibility power-up. Awful control, awful music, garish graphics, and worse of all, inconsistent apostrophes. Not worth actual money.