Anyways, listen to me, it's really related to what you said. I went to McDonalds the other day, you know, McDonalds? But, the place was packed and I couldn't get a seat. Then I saw a sign hanging by the door, "PLAY MCDONALDS MONOPOLY". Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots! You don't come to McDonalds just because it's the Monopoly promotion they always have. And all you're likely to win is a free McFlurry or some fries, some SMALL FRIES FOR ♥♥♥♥'S SAKE.

And there's whole families here too, all out for some Maccy D's, how ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nice. "Alright, Daddy's gonna get a Big Mac!" I can't bear to watch. I'll give you all a burger each if you get out of those seats. McDonalds should be a bloody place, where a brawl could start at the cash registers any minute, that tense stab-or-be-stabbed atmosphere. Women and children should just piss off home. Anyways, I was about to start eating, when the bastard in the next queue says "Quarterpounder, with extra sauce!" I almost broke my tray in fury. Who in the world orders extra sauce nowadays!?


I want to interrogate him for like an hour. "Do you really want extra sauce!? Are you sure you just didn't want to show off by saying extra sauce!?" Coming from a McDonalds veteran like me, the best thing to order is a Big Mac, with extra lettuce. Yup, extra lettuce. This is the McDonalds pro way of eating. The extra crispiness really accentuates the flavour of the meat, and makes the sauce less overpowering. This is key. The price is a bit higher though, but then, it’s delicious. It’s unbeatable. However, if you order this there’s a danger you will be marked in future by employees; it’s a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs.


What this really means though, is that YOU should just stick with a Happy Meal.