"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."

"**** you *******!"

I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them

"As you wish..."

I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react

he bellows and charges forward

I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter

I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back

"...requiescat in pace..."

As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers

"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?

"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."

I sheath my sword

"You're not my type."

skate away on my Heelys

stroll into my local GameStop

looking to pick up a copy of Monster Prom

grab the game and take it to the charming maiden (Chrissy) at the register

"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."

she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves

her eyes widen as she reads the game's title

"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"

I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind

"Hahaha look at what this ***** is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ****!"

I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst

generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing

If you angerly masturbate to another guy's money and jizz in your mouth and compliment yourself for the taste when you're on your shift at work, then you've committed all 7 sins... with room to spare.


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I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child and I am here to seek help regarding my son. Last week when we went to the supermarket, my son pointed to a red trash can and started jumping around screaming “THAT’S AMONG US! THAT TRASH CAN IS SUS! RED IS THE IMPOSTOR!” As soon as he did that, the manager told us to leave. I told him that my son is just excited about something, and apologised. But the manager still told us to leave so I picked up the red trash can that my son was going crazy over and threw it on the managers head. Then my son shouted “DEAD BODY REPORTED.” Can someone please tell me what on earth is wrong with him?

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