EVERY morning I wake up at 1:30am, LAUNCHING myself out of bed, pausing only to NAILGUN my SCROTUM if my body has the TEMERITY to grant me an ERECTION, because SEX is FUN and FUN is BAD!
Then I make myself a pot of COFFEE, and POUR IT STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES, because CAFFEINE is LITERAL CANCER if you drink it and PAIN is GOOD. At this point I might have to NAILGUN my SCROTUM again in case the PAIN makes me hard.
Then I HITCH myself to my SELF DRIVING CAR, eschewing the comfort of the seats so that I can be DRAGGED across the ROAD because LUXURY is for ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and PAIN GOOD.
I arrive at WORK where my BOSS Jocko greets me with a PAIL of LIQUID NITROGEN as PUNISHMENT for arriving .01 attoseconds late (I was supposed to be there 2am SHARP) and I THANK HIM because COLD SHOWERS are ALPHA and the drop in temperature calms my PAIN FUELED ERECTION before I need to ask for the NAILGUN.
I sit down next to my CO WORKER Varg as he performs PENIS INSPECTION DAY to make sure that I upheld my promise to STOP WATCHING PORN. Satisfied with the result, he sends me over to my other CO-WORKER Cole who grants me my DAILY ALLOTMENT of his URINE directly into my MOUTH as permitted by the SNAKE DIET. I thank him and get to WORK screaming at "PEOPLE" on the internet to STOP ENJOYING LIFE, reminding everyone who DISAGREES with me that they LACK DISCIPLINE and are TOO WEAK to live the RIGHT WAY.