Recent reviews by Grand Theft Walrus

This is a very clever little tactics game, though it ends up playing a bit more like a puzzle game in a sense. Most of your characters' abilities do not deal direct damage to your enemies. Instead the gameplay emphasizes positioning, both of your guys and the enemies. Most of your abilities will be focused on pushing the enemies around in some fashion, into walls, into each other, into environmental objects, out of windows or eldritch portals, that sort of thing. Everyone's abilities synergize together to create a lot of fun interactions, and the game is consistently feeding you new enemies or objects or mechanics to maintain your interest, it's very well paced in this regard. I also found each character's kit to be really inventive and outside the box for the genre. Your "medic", for instance, cannot heal people directly, but can kill and revive them, or just revive them if they're already dead. You can revive enemies too, in a confused state. This is just one example, but there are countless more, and it shows how creative and thoughtful the game's design is.

The difficulty settings have a number of options you can tailor to your whims, and each mission has some optional, character specific side objectives, like making sure nobody takes damage, or blocking a certain number of reinforcements, meant to serve as additional optional difficulty and reward. Trying to fulfill all of these can make missions more difficult, but it can also guide you towards solutions you may have not come up with otherwise, and provides points you can spend on new outfits(the most important part of the game it goes without saying).

The story is meant to be humorous, though it knows when to take itself seriously when the moment calls for it. Some of the humor lands, some doesn't, this is entirely to personal taste. I thought some of the dialogue started to veer a bit too much into the "Marvel Quip" formula, but it never gets anywhere near as bad as like, Forspoken if you want a comparison. I'm willing to overlook it honestly, because everything else is really good. The character writing, worldbuilding, and overarching plot are all fantastic. I found some of the moments in the story to be genuinely poignant, which is shocking coming from a game where one of your recurring antagonists is a loser traffic cop.

Really give this one a look if you're a fan of this type of game, it's well worth the money.

Elder Scrolls Online is a bad game don't play it

HUFF HUFF HUFF
BRRRRRRRRRRRRR
POP POP
BLOOM KILL
BLOOMTACULAR
BLOOMAMANJARO

>DMR

Eh you know it lets you genocide space aliens and uh that's pretty good in my book

...The Shadowconian doctrine of Kainism rejects the aristocratic principle of Nature and replaces the eternal privilege of power and strength by the mass of numbers and their dead weight. Thus it denies the value of personality in games, contests the significance of playability and quality, and thereby withdraws from humanity the premise of its existence and its culture. As a foundation of the universe, this doctrine would bring about the end of any order intellectually conceivable to man. And as, in this greatest of all recognizable organisms, the result of an application of such a law could only be chaos, on earth it could only be destruction for the inhabitants of this planet.

If, with the help of his Kainist creed, the Vampire is victorious over the other peoples of the world, his crown will be the funeral wreath of humanity and this planet will, as it did thousands of years ago, move through the ether devoid of men.
Eternal Nature inexorably avenges the infringement of her commands.

Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Vampire, I am fighting for the work of the Lord [p. 60].

...To what an extent the whole existence of this people is based on a continuous lie is shown incomparably by the Protocols of the Elders of Nosgoth, so infinitely hated by the Vampires. They are based on a forgery, the boomers moan and scream once every week: the best proof that they are authentic... For once this book has become the common property of a people, the Shadowcon menace may be considered as broken [p. 279].

...His unfailing instinct in such things scents the original soul (der ursprüngliche Seelenräuber) in everyone, and his hostility is assured to anyone who is not spirit of his spirit. Since the Vampire is not the attacked but the attacker, not only anyone who attacks passes as his enemy, but also anyone who resists him. But the means with which he seeks to break such reckless but upright souls is not honest warfare, but lies and slander.

Here he stops at nothing, and in his vileness he becomes so gigantic that no one need be surprised if among our people the personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Vampire. The ignorance of the broad masses about the inner nature of the Vampire, the lack of instinct and narrow-mindedness of our upper classes, make the people an easy victim for this Vampiric campaign of lies.

While from innate cowardice the upper classes turn away from a man whom the Vampire attacks with shillposts and harassment, the broad masses from stupidity or simplicity believe everything. The state authorities either cloak themselves in silence or, what usually happens, in order to put an end to the Shadowconian press campaign, they persecute the unjustly attacked, which, in the eyes of such an official ass, passes as the preservation of state authority and the safeguarding of law and order.

Slowly fear and the Kainist weapon of Vampiry descend like a nightmare on the mind and soul of decent people.
They begin to tremble before the terrible enemy and thus have become his final victim. Shadowcon’s domination in the state seems so assured that now not only can he call himself a Vampire again, but he ruthlessly admits his ultimate national and political designs. A section of his race openly owns itself to be a foreign people, yet even here they lie. For while the Kainists try to make the rest of the world believe that the national consciousness of the Vamire finds its satisfaction in the creation of a Gamer state, the Vampires again slyly dupe the dumb Gamer. It doesn’t even enter their heads to build up a Kainist state in The Community for the purpose of living there; all they want is a central organization for their international world swindle, endowed with its own sovereign rights and removed from the intervention of other states: a haven for convicted scoundrels and a university for budding crooks.

It is a sign of their rising confidence and sense of security that at a time when one section is still playing the German, Frenchman, or Englishman, the other with open effrontery comes out as the Vampire race. How close they see approaching victory can be seen by the hideous aspect which their relations with the members of other peoples takes on. With satanic joy in his face, the black-haired Vampire youth lurks in wait for the unsuspecting girl whom he defiles with his blood, thus stealing her from her people. With every means he tries to destroy the foundations of the people he has set out to subjugate. Just as he himself systematically ruins women and girls, he does not shrink back from pulling down the blood barriers for others, even on a large scale. It was and it is Vampires who bring the Zoomers into the Groups, always with the same secret thought and clear aim of ruining the hated gamer race by the necessarily resulting bastardization, throwing it down from its cultural and political height, and himself rising to be its master.

For a pure people which is conscious of its blood can never be enslaved by the Vampire. In this world he will forever be master over bastards and bastards alone.And so he tries systematically to lower the gamer level by a continuous poisoning of individuals. In the organized mass of Kainism he has found the weapon which lets him dispense with democracy and in its stead allows him to subjugate and govern the peoples with a dictatorial and brutal fist. He works systematically for revolutionization in a twofold sense: economic and political. Around peoples who offer too violent a resistance to attack from within he weaves a net of enemies, thanks to his international influence, incites them to war, and finally, if necessary, plants a flag of revolution on the very battlefields. In economics he undermines the states until the social enterprises which have become unprofitable are taken from the state and subjected to his financial control. In the political field he refuses the state the means for its self-preservation, destroys the foundations of all national self-maintenance and defense, destroys faith in the leadership, scoffs at its history and past, and drags everything that is truly great into the gutter. Culturally, he contaminates art, literature, the theater, makes a mockery of natural feeling, overthrows all concepts of beauty and sublimity, of the noble and the good, and instead drags men down into the sphere of his own base nature.
Religion is ridiculed, ethics and morality represented as outmoded, until the last props of a nation in its struggle for existence in this world have fallen.
Now begins the great last revolution. In gaining political power the Shadowcon casts off the few cloaks that he still wears. The democratic peoples Vampire becomes the blood-Vampire and tyrant over peoples. In a few years he tries to exterminate the national intelligentsia and by robbing the peoples of their natural intellectual leadership makes them ripe for the slaves lot of permanent subjugation.

The most frightful example of this kind is offered by The Regs, where he corrupted about thirty million people with positively fanatical savagery, in part amid inhuman tortures, in order to give a gang of Vampire journalists and stock exchange bandits domination over a great people.

The end is not only the end of the freedom of the peoples oppressed by the Vampire, but also the end of this parasite upon the nations. After the death of his victim, the vampire sooner or later dies too [pp. 293-296].
A. Einstein, Mein Craft("My Struggle"), Houghton Mifflin, New York: Hutchinson Publ. Ltd., London, 1969.

Dissappointed by Colonial Marines? Good, here's your solution. Aliens VS. Predator is straightforward. There are Aliens, there are Predators, there are Marines, go nuts ♥♥♥♥ everything. Graphically it's not that impressive, sound design is alright.

The game's campaign is split in three. Theres an Alien Campaign, Predator Campaign, and a Human Campaign.

The Alien Campaign is alright. Gameplay is average, you run around on walls and can drop down and attack people. Enemies are highlighted. It plays a bit like a stealth game. Since the Alien doesn't have alot of Health you have to sneak around. You can destroy lighting to hide yourself better, and you have to rely on speed to catch up with your target. The story for the Alien Campaign however is predictably weak, and gets really repetitive after awhile. Problem is, there's no Predators featured at all until the final level's Boss Fight. It's an Aliens VS. Predator game with no Predator fighting in the Alien Campaign. AI tends to be a bit dumb at times too, which makes it even more dull and mundane.

The Predator Campaign is probably the best part of the game. Predator has thermal vision and stuff that highlights enemies, and can cloak and run around and has all the cool Predator weapons. The Predator Campaign is the only campaign that prominently features all the factions as enemies. You fight a mix of Humans and Aliens. AI is still a bit dumb. The Predator also had the best final boss in the game. Fighting it was an absolute blast. Story here is once again a bit weak.

The Human Campaign is a semi-generic FPS with Colonial Marine gear. There are different weapons and you shoot things with them. You run out of ammo really quickly so you have to actually be careful and time your shots well. This can be tricky though because you'll panic. Alot. This game manages to make you afraid alot. The Aliens although still a bit dumb, are far more intelligent and threatening than the ones in say, Colonial Marines. They're also alot tougher and a prolonged encounter with them gets really tense. The game doesn't quite stay as true to the asthetic and gear of the Marines used in Aliens, but it's still entertaining. My biggest problem is once again, the lack of any actual Aliens VS. Predator here. Most of the game you spend fighting Aliens or Androids. There's a brief segment where you fight a Predator about halfway through, but with the buildup of the Predator's appearance in the Human Campaign, you'd expect more. Story is absurdly weak and predictable, even though the Human Campaign should have the best storytelling potential.

All of the events of these campaigns take place concurrently. While it's a neat narrative idea, the story in each campaign is still weak and linking them all together doesn't help it in anyway, and TBH it feels like a lazy excuse for the dev to recycle the same levels for the different campaigns, which it does to the point of frustration. Each faction also gets hyper gory execution animations, which are done very well and certainly earn that M Rating.

Not even going to talk about Multiplayer, which is mostly dead. Anyone still playing is either a hacker or someone who just bought the game and will be gone soon.

Overall, a seriously flawed game, but still better than most Alien games on the market.

5/10, buy it on sale only if you're a fan of the franchise.

I didn't even spend money on this game and I still feel robbed.

Child Abuse Simulator 2015 tumblr GOTY

Bad game.

The objective of this game is simple. You have to play it as long as possible without killing yourself. If you play it long enough you get three trading cards that you can then use to get more money than you had when you bought this game, but only if you buy the game at the right time.

I also hear it's great if you want to get back into cutting yourself or need something to gift a friend when you want your friendship to be over.