Recent reviews by OH SHIT IM FEELING IT

game sucks

Possibly the worst NFS game that comes to mind. It's the buggiest, most laughably demented game in the series.

If you're having a bad day and you want to amuse yourself and get a good laugh out of something, here's what you do. You beat the game in about 10-12 hours and spend the rest having fun with the physics engine (or hey, never touch the game again).

So let's analyze the ups and downs with NFS:U.

Pros:

-Lots of variety with customization, especially with vinyls.

-Graphics may look fantastic on the highest possible settings but depending on your system, the game may run like it's on a toaster.

-Large map with four different regions and lots to explore.

-Many different cars to choose from.

-Great soundtracks.

Cons (oh, boy):

-So here's one of the two biggest turnoffs of this game: the physics engine . Well, what can I say? Some have already pointed this out, but ramming traffic and grinding against a wall will drop your speed by ~80 mph and more often than not, your car will spin out. And this is something that isn't consistent at all. Also, sliding around corners feels incredibly stiff and half the time you wonder if upgrading the handling of your vehicle even did anything. That's when you have to learn how to drift. But even that feels inconsistent. But the best part is, you can watch cruisers or traffic gracefully sail across the air if you adjust your collision just enough to send them flying and bouncing on the ground like their exteriors are made of 6 inch layers of rubber.

- The AI: There's a reason why I said 10-12 hours beforehand. Because the AI racers and cruisers are too easy. The racers have difficulty turning around corners whereas you won't. Yeah, I did say handling and drifting are inconsistent, but really, even if you hit something, you'll still outrun the AI. Also, the cops will sometimes use rubberband AI, and other times they won't and you can very easily evade them.

-Pursuits can be VERY easy to evade. If your Wheelman Level is high enough, the police department will start assigning state/federal units to the chase immediately. However, all chases in free roam begin when a civic unit (the easiest cruisers to deal with in the game) on patrol finds you. Here's the problem: the civic units retreat before dispatch sends backup. The delay can take between 3 to 45 seconds. On another note, in the heat of a pursuit, dispatch will very infrequently send additional units apart from roadblocks. You'll never have 25 cops chasing you at a time unlike the far superior NFS Most Wanted.

-There also seems to be an issue where your pursuit's cooldown meter will occasionally fill up in less than a second, whereas they can take a while to do so even when you're idle in a hiding spot. I'm still not sure what causes this.

-Want to capture an intense moment during a race or police chase or maybe show off your ride? Only if you first get an EA Account, which the game bugs you with every time you launch it. Here's some advice: get DXtory or some other screen capture software, bind a key to take a screenshot, press it, then upload the image on Steam as "Artwork."

-The game is apparently under a constant nuclear attack. That should explain the yellow-orangish filter.

-The story is incredibly forgettable.

-Want to fill your garage with your dreams cars? Better spend most of your playtime grinding. Or just add them to "My Cars" where you can get everything for free, but they will not be stored for career mode.

-Cutscenes/introductions to wanted events are inconsistent with what's actually happening around you (i.e. the beginning intro to an escape/cost-to-state/takeout event can show traffic/crusiers that aren't actually there when the game starts).

-Pursuit breakers are buggy. Sounds may not play, objects may fall through solid objects, and some objects may not move at all.

-No perfect starts at the beginning of races.

-On every event, your speedbreaker starts off empty and you'll have to drive for at least 30 seconds to charge it up completely. Why not just have it available right off the bat?

-Even with so much variety in customization, it's still incomplete. Aftermarket parts have "zone bonuses" or something that don't seem to serve any purpose.

Is it worth the price? No. But is it suitable for brightening your day? Maybe I'm just too easily impressed, but getting into long pursuits and personalizing my own cars has been fun lately. If you're looking for a good NFS game, just play Most Wanted, Carbon, Underground 1/2, or Hot Pursuit.

I sexually identify as the FitnessGram Pacer Test. Ever since I was a kid I dreamed of being an multi stage aerobic capacity test that progressively get more difficult as it continues. People tell me that a person can´t be a school fitness test but I don´t care, I´m beautiful. Every morning I wake up and tell myself "The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds". My running speed starts slowly but gets faster every minute. In school, every time I hear the bell I think "A single lap should've been completed, and if It isn't completed twice the test is over". From now on I want you guys to call me Fitness Gram and respect my right to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. If you can't accept that I am a aerobic capacity test then you're a testophobe and you need to check your running privelage. Thank you for being so understanding.

For players unfamiliar with PK, I'm gonna keep it short and simple since it's been 13 years. It's a fast-paced old-school FPS, akin to Doom or Serious Sam. You take on the role of Daniel Garner, a man who is trying to reunite with his wife Catherine after suffering a fatal car accident. Your beloved wife ends up in Heaven, but you're stuck in a Purgatory that's undergoing an invasion plotted by Lucifer and his army. So you're on a mission to take out the lord of Hell's generals (and eventually himself) while blasting away his minions to a heavy metal soundtrack.

Hell and Damnation is essentially an HD "remake" of the original game, which follows the storyline I just described. It is technically a sequel, because it branches off of the original game's "bad" ending, but you play through the same levels again. Well, some of them.

So if you've never played H&D but you're familiar with the original, is it worth getting its high definition counterpart?

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No, it isn't.

Keep in mind that this review is mostly intended for fans of the original. I'm gonna be making A LOT of comparisons with it. If you're new to the series, you've just read that H&D isn't worth it. So just get the Black Edition.

The graphics may be fantastic and the nostalgia might be there for long-time Painkiller fans like me, but this game suffers primarily because it's a cesspool for glitches. More often than not, monsters will get stuck on the map and you'll have to find them yourself. You might think you can just use the compass to navigate your way to them. But most of the time, they're inside parts that are almost unreachable without skilled bunnyhopping. It's especially frustrating when you're trying to obtain a Black Tarot on a level you must beat under a time limit. Moreover, the developers just so happened to take away the most memorable levels from the original game such as the Asylum and the Military Base. What's that? Oh, they're in the game?

Yes, they are. If you can afford almost $50 worth of DLC. Let that sink in for a moment.

Fortunately, the gameplay is still fun and the soundtrack kicks ass just like in the original (but WHY did they have to remove the Loony Park battle theme). All of the levels are still diverse and unique in their own terms. The enhanced graphics make the environments look amazing (I mean, Jesus Christ. Look at the remade Oriental Castle). But if you're familiar with the original PK, you'll find that a lot of key features are missing and/or tweaked in H&D. The checkpoints do not "heartbeat" when you're close to them, Painkiller-jumping is impossible, enemies are not visible through walls in Demon Morph mode, there's no autosave feature (might be wrong but I swear it was not in the keyboard config menu) and the Stake Gun's arc is a straight line that loses its height exponentially after travelling some distance. These are just to name a few, but the game suffers from these problems because it forces us to take some time to adjust to these changes. I would've preferred if some of these changes were simply identical to their original mechanics. Other than that, the ported levels have slightly new layouts and some secrets and enemy placements are a little different, but I have little to no complaints about these.

There's also more multiplayer game modes, a coop mission, and survival, but since I haven't tried these yet, I won't make my judgments yet.

Overall, I do not recommend this game to PK fans OR PK newbies, but the game does have its moments and like I said, very nostalgic. Do note that I did not play this game to find flaws; the ones I listed stuck out to me the most as a long-time fan of the series. You can still find some enjoyment out of H&D ignoring all of its flaws, but expect to encounter some frustrating moments at the same time.

Well made remake of the original Half Life. Though, I must say, the Marines sound like they have runny noses.

If anything, this has got to be one of the best cooperative zombie games ever made. The games that I prefer are the ones that require teamwork and effort in order to accomplish something, and L4D2 is no exception. There's also a wide variety of ways to play the game, and a wide variety of strategies and "loadouts" that players shouldn't hesitate to try out. It's just fun as hell, trust me.

One issue that I've encountered: this game's community is ♥♥♥♥.

This game has been a part of my life for 12 years. It's a shame to see how far it has fallen in recent years due to Valve's negligence.

#fixtf2