Recent reviews by Greggles

This game has it all, from beautiful Klei artwork, to quirky descriptions lined with dark humor, to adorable chibi cartoony 3-D-printed clones called "duplicants" to do your bidding.

If you like chemistry, this is for you. If you like Terraria, Minecraft, RIMWorld, Space Engineers, or Factorio, this game is for you.

Despite the name, Oxygen is initially included, but not for long. Battle disease, poor taste in artwork, job assignments, starvation, the elements, suffocation, resource scarcity, and making renewable systems. Do all of this using nothing but your admin powers and these really stubborn, charming, hard-working AI that have silly pathing and no smart decision making ability.

This game is procedurally generated, so all you do is play against yourself and RNG. Every problem is technically your fault, outside of the initial hand you're dealt.

I rate this game my favorite game of the year, and one of my favorites of all time. It takes an hour just to start being really productive in 1 session, so I hope you like really satisfying, arduous grinds. Also, study up on your science and good luck! :)

Plants, and such. Become obsessive over fake plants as the real ones in your house die, and the virtual ones accumulate weeds at astonishing rates.

JUNE 2024 #FixTF2 DISCLAIMER: FEEL FREE TO READ THE OLD REVIEW AT THE BOTTOM. IT WILL BE NIGHT AND DAY.
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This game has brought me countless hours of joy and comradery. It is now a shell of a shell of its former self.

In 2016, Valve decided to actively ruin the freedom of choice into the game, adding in the broken matchmaking system in place of server-browser and quick-play features being the primary ways to connect. No longer could you hop on a valve server, play with or against your friends, and choose your teams and map rotation, unless you're on community servers, which they actively killed.

In 2016, they pushed much more focus onto a failure of a competitive matchmaking system separate from the casual game system. This would supposedly replace community competitive TF2 with a better proprietary solution. It was an absolute failure.

In 2016, Valve pushed all resources away from this behemoth money maker into Counter Strike: Global Offensive and DOTA 2 projects, as well as more money-making schemes like Artifact and Steamdeck, because that's when they truly stopped caring about making games and started caring only about making more profit on top of their multiple billions each year.

In 2016, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ was released. This enabled open source use of Catbots and other variant cheats for cheaters and rudimentary bot hosts to invade servers of some casual mode maps in particular, such as KotH_Harvest. Valve has not given meaningful updates to their anti-cheat, VAC, in 15 years as of this post. Windows 7 is younger than VAC. DirectX 5 is younger than VAC.

In 2016, Valve increasingly and progressively allowed the artstyle, community updates, and ideas for workshop submissions to go downhill and break the game's charm for the sake of profit. We have hundreds of obnoxious unusual effects and custom skins, some of which are pirated .png files, all profiting Valve.

In 2017, the very very few remaining active Valve employees (less than 6) delivered a haphazard breath of fresh air, the Jungle Inferno update. It was good, but did not address half the problems.

In 2018, after a few small follow-up updates, Valve dropped down to an average of 1.5 employees working on TF2. No more major updates other than community made Christmas and Halloween updates would occur for the next 6 years.

In 2019, the bots, cheaters, item farmers, market destroying trading bots, doxxers, scammers, pedos, and racists had gotten so bad, that the game was a nightmare to play.

In late 2020, 6 months into the pandemic, the "botting crisis" began 4 years after catbots became prevalent with the release of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. No solutions in sight. The game was now FLOODED with cheaters and bots, earrape and spam. Valve's "solution" was to mute free to play accounts so you have to pay to call out a spy or thank a teammate.

Today in 2024, every game has at least 2 bots during play. We are battered housewives, normalizing the state of the game with excuses for why it beats us every weekend in a drunken fit. Valve has not pressed civil or criminal charges against the bot hosts. Valve has not introduced working anti-cheat or captcha. Valve has not taken VAC bans seriously. Valve has not worked to create Team Fortress 3 or to port the game into Source 2, instead opting to shut down community efforts to do so. Valve has not honored the money many many players have given to them in the form of items, keys, community market fees, and Mann Vs. Machine ticket sales. Valve has failed their fiduciary duty as a company to uphold a quality product they claim to provide.

This game is an absolute gem, a timeless masterpiece, and quite possibly historically in the top 10 video games of all time, up there with Super Mario, GTA San Andreas, Tomb Raider, GoldenEye, and Halo 3. Even Valve themselves have made other timeless masterpiece franchises like Portal, Left 4Dead, and Half Life.

However, it's with a heavy heart that I rate the game in its current state 1 Star. Unplayable multi-player experience with no hope for the future without corporate intervention.


ORIGINAL REVIEW:
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Um, I don't even know where to start with you. Do you even know what we're talking bout? Do-do you have any idea... any idea what this is? Basically, it's kind of a big deal. You listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brothah, Gaben hurts people. He's a force a' NATURE. If you were from where Gabe was from, you'd be ♥♥♥♥♥♥' fat. WOOOOO!

Team Fortress 2 was originally derived from years of development from a class-based variety mod to Quake Multiplayer (the mod now known as Team Fortress Classic). This mod was purchased by Valve and developed alongside The Orange Box, until its retail release in 2007. It's is a whacky, fast-paced, intelligently balanced, and high-learning-curve first person shooter multiplayer game, featuring excellent personality, gallows humor, and pristine voice acting.

It features 9 unique and complex "classes" from which to choose, each with specific talents for various situations depending on map, gameplay position, and class/weapon selections already made on both teams. There is the Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demolitions Man, Heavyweapons Guy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper, and Spy. If you learn how to play each and every one of these guys and understand what unlockable weapons and loadouts are, you will be only marginally proficient at the game.

To be truly good at this game requires something called TEAMWORK, hence the name. It's a frustrating, addictive, cartoonishly funny, skillful masterpiece; it's is constantly in development by its understaffed developers who leave quirky bugs all around.

Since mid 2011, TF2 has been Free-To-Play, but I would recommend paying a small amount for a cool taunt or hat, and you're on your way to becoming the mediocre Pay-To-Look-Good slime that everybody knows and loves: setting everything thing on fire, headshotting key targets, trickstabbing, gibbing people, mowing down entire teams, healing patients from afar, whittling down and juking helpless enemies, detonating traps, and blasting hordes of enemies with tanky turrets.

There is a M A S S I V E community around this game, considering its age. It's weathered many things, and it will wrangle you into its clutches for all of time once you get over the 500 hour mark. It takes a bare minimum of 500 hours of learning, coaching, and getting your ass handed to you just to have a positive kill/death ratio some of the time. There are thriving communities of traders, jumpers, mod makers, map makers, model makers, artists, SFM cinematographers, competitive players, Mann vs Machine players, YouTubers, and much, much more.

This game is your own, and there's no right or wrong way to play it. But there are MANY wrong ways if you actually wish to win. None of the right ways don't involve teamwork, mechanical prowess, and using your head. Have fun. Random critical hits are still fair and balanced, according to the Wiki.