I know it sounds crazy but whenever I touch these sandwiches... You're gonna laugh at me, you're gonna think I am nuts, gonna think I'm crazy. When I touch these sandwiches, I feel the hands of every person who's touched them before me and after me, and I feel this jolt of like friggin lightning or something from my head to the tip of my you know what. Sometimes, while I'm grabbing these sandwiches with my bare hands, I just can't help but throw my head back in ecstasy and moan. So whenever I go and talk to chicks, I just-- the chicks say to me, what do you do?, I say: yes, I do grab sandwiches with my bare hands in a factory... And don't laugh-- don't laugh at me. I feel like a spirit, like an orb shoot through my body every time I grab a sandwich. You know a lot of people laugh at me. They beat me up, they give me black eyes, they broke my nose four times... you know, because, because I just like to make sandwiches and I get bullied about it. And I get bullied for it. And they pull my underwear up and doo doo feces does fall out because of how hard they pull. But will I stop grabbing sandwiches with my bare hands and moving them down the assembly line? Absolutely freaking not. If you know what I mean, like, no. The answer is no way. Uh... This is the only thing that brings my life joy and you can-- You can beat me up, you can try to kill me, you can dox me, come to my house in a black SUV. I'm not gonna stop doing this. I love the people of this country. I love giving them soggy sandwiches. And no, I'm not gonna stop.

I own a dwarven crossbow for home defense, since that's what the Daedric Princes intended. Four outlanders break into my house. "What the Mehrunes Dagon?" As I grab my powdered mask and dwarven crossbow. Blow a Kwama egg-sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my Daedric Dart on the second man, miss him entirely because it's a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ throwing weapon and it nails the neighbors nix-hound. I have to resort to the Dwemer construct mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with Ebony Throwing Stars, "Tally ho, n'wahs" the Ebony Throwing Stars shred two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel cause a panic in the Silt Striders outside. Fix Keening and charge the last terrified fetcher. He bleeds out waiting on the Ordinators to arrive since triangular Keening wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the Daedra intended.