This guy just approached me behind Greggs, trench coat flapping in the wind, and whispered, ‘You look like someone who appreciates premium spin tech.’ He then dramatically revealed a briefcase full of obviously fake Beyblades—one had Pikachu stickers on it, another was literally just a fidget spinner glued to a decapitated tuna can lid. He claimed they were ‘limited-edition prototypes.’ When I asked why one was still warm, he just said, ‘Fresh off the forge, baby.’ I ran. I ran fast.

Once took my mum out after meeting on tinder, he was a gentleman and made sure she had a really good time. He also paid for the bill without prompt. 10/10 would recommend as future father figure.

This guy has been spending his weekends building a life-sized replica of the Moon out of marshmallows and industrial-grade rubber ducks. He started this project after receiving what he believed to be a divine vision from a cloud shaped like Peppa the Pig during a routine nap in his backyard.

This monumental undertaking began during what he called "The Great Quackening of 2024," a personal spiritual awakening inspired by an old episode of DuckTales and a misplaced shopping list. He now hosts weekly "Moon Rehearsals" where neighbours are required to orbit his marshmallow sculpture while humming Elton John songs backwards.

Totally normal behavior, really.

<3 :3