new phone who dis

the best way to get a spider to stop coming in your house is to flip it over and suck its ♥♥♥♥. Carry a spatula around and when you see one, flip it onto its back. They're surprisingly docile once they're in that position. all you need to do is gently press on its abdomen to retract its penis. It will be small approximately the size of a pencil eraser. Use the tip of your tongue to manipulate it to full erection, then suck with your lips until it ejaculates usually 30-45 minutes later. If you don't feel the rush of semen you will know by its legs scratching playfully at your face when it gets oversensitive afterwards.The trick is not to swallow the spider semen. Trust me, I know it will be tempting. But no, pick up the spider and let him outside, then drool its ejaculate near the entrances to your house. Spiders are highly promiscuous, and its semen mixed with your saliva will signal him to move on to another house. Spiders do NOT like to get their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ by the same person twice

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I went downstairs this morning to make myself some bacon, but I burnt the first batch in the microwave on accident because I thought that 6 minutes was long enough for 5 pieces of bacon. I made another batch and was determined to be more careful this time -- I stuck it in for 4 minutes and told myself that if it wasn't cooked enough I could add more time onto it. When the 4 minutes was finished, I noticed the bacon wasn't cooked enough. I kept it in for what I thought was 30 seconds, but I accidentally added an extra zero, keeping it in for 3 whole minutes. I ended up burning 10 pieces of bacon that day, but I still ate them after coating some of the pieces in honey.

You dress up my profile so nice <3

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　|　３　 | 丶＼ - Hang in there!
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