What do I do? System architecture, networking and security. No one in this house can touch me on that.But does anybody appreciate that? While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing acapella at Sarah Lawrence, I was gaining root access to NSA servers. I was one click away from starting a second Iranian Revolution.I prevent cross-site scripting. I monitor for DDoS attacks, emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handlings. The Internet - heard of it? - transfers half a petabyte of data minute; do you have any idea how that happens? All those YouPorn ones and zeroes streaming directly to your sh itty little smartphone day after day, every dipsh it who s hits his pants if he can't get the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under twelve seconds? It's not magic, it's talent and sweat. People like me ensure your packets get delivered unsniffed. So what do I do? I makes sure that one bad config on one key component doesn't bankrupt the entire f ucking company. That's what the f uck I do.