Slupper wasn’t just a Counter-Strike 2 player. No. Slupper was an experience. A fever dream wrapped in a laggy, mic-peaking nightmare. His Steam bio simply read: "𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓛𝓪𝓼𝓽 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓫𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓲𝔃𝓪𝓻𝓭" and his profile picture was a cursed MS Paint drawing of a chicken holding a Glock.

On this particular evening, Slupper queued into a competitive match, headset duct-taped to his head, munching on an unpeeled banana like it was a hotdog. His teammates instantly regretted their decision.

"Yo, what’s up, team? I just drank a liter of expired Monster and I can see sounds. Let’s roll," he announced, voice somehow both bass-boosted and helium-infused.

The match started.

Slupper didn't buy a gun. He didn't even move. He just stood in spawn, spinning in circles like a Roomba on Adderall.

"Slupper, buy a gun," someone groaned.

Slupper exhaled sharply through his nose. "I don’t need a gun. I am the bullet."

Then he threw a flashbang. At his own feet. The entire team went blind.

“SLUPPER YOU ABSOLUTE ♥♥♥♥♥♥.”

While his teammates screamed, Slupper charged forward, screaming like an anime protagonist powering up. He sprinted at the enemy with just a knife, dodging bullets purely by accident. The enemy team froze, confused, possibly scared.

Then, with the precision of a man who had absolutely no idea what he was doing, Slupper jumped and midair-knifed their AWPer in the head.

"𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓷 144 𝓱𝔃, 𝓬𝓪𝓼𝓾𝓪𝓵," he typed in chat, before promptly getting one-tapped by a bot.

By round five, the entire team was in psychological distress. Slupper had purchased only Negevs, dual Berettas, and once, for reasons unknown, an auto-sniper that he used exclusively for wall-banging their own spawn.

Then came the final round. Match point. Overtime on the line.

Slupper turned on his mic. The static was deafening. “Gentlemen, it’s time.”

He bought a Zeus.

He ran straight at the enemy team, dodging every single shot like the laws of physics owed him money. His teammates watched in horror as he leaped over an enemy’s head, landed behind them, and click.

Electricity crackled.

The final enemy collapsed.

Victory.

Slupper typed his final words in chat before disconnecting: "Remember my name. Or don't. I already forgot it."

And just like that, he was gone.

A legend. A menace. A mistake in the fabric of reality.