In the age of heroes, when gods still walked among men and fate wove its intricate web, there arose a knight unlike any other. His name was Sir Cumanicles, a warrior of great renown, bedecked in golden armor encrusted with laurels of past victories. Yet, for all his triumphs, there was an undeniable oddity to him—a blessing and a curse from the gods themselves.

Sir Cumanicles was born beneath an ill-omened star, and at his christening, the gods laughed and bickered over his fate. Athena wished for him to be wise, Ares sought to make him a mighty warrior, and Hermes, ever the trickster, declared, “Let him be ruled by chaos itself!” And so, it was Hermes’ voice that rang the loudest, for what mortal could outmatch divine mischief?

From his youth, Cumanicles displayed a peculiar nature. Though he trained with the finest warriors in the realm, his grip on a sword was backward, and his shield was often used as a dinner plate. His battle cries were indecipherable babblings, and yet—by some miraculous folly—his strikes always found their mark, and his foes were bested by his sheer unpredictability.

A tragic accident (or an act of divine jest) left Cumanicles bound to a wheeled chariot of his own design, a peculiar contraption that carried him into battle at breakneck speeds, often without his own control. Some claimed Hephaestus himself had forged this device, though in truth, it was merely the result of a drunken carpenter’s wager.
The War of the Dull-Witted Titan

As fate would have it, the gods soon had need of Cumanicles’ peculiar gifts. The Titans, those ancient foes of Olympus, had unleashed a creature most foul—the beast known as Moronion, a lumbering brute of mindless destruction. None could best it, for it fought with no discernible strategy, no method to predict. It flailed and smashed, heedless of logic, and thus eluded even the wisdom of Athena.

Seeing no other recourse, the gods summoned Cumanicles. Upon arrival at Olympus, he mistook the steps of the divine palace for a battlefield, and with a triumphant howl, launched himself forward in his chariot. The wheels caught a divine pebble—cast aside by Zeus himself—and sent Cumanicles somersaulting through the air. By sheer luck (or the hand of Hermes), he collided headfirst with Moronion, striking it with such force that the titan stumbled backward into the abyss of Tartarus.

For his unparalleled heroism, Zeus himself decreed that Cumanicles should be elevated beyond mere knighthood. He would be granted a divine title, a domain of his own, and so he was henceforth known as the Demigod of Retardation, the one who defies reason, the champion of luck beyond sense.