416 is all you need


Now on Spacebattles, Sufficient Velocity, Questionable Questing, FFN, and Ao3.













Dear Customer,

We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows

- 1x Monster Horse Dildo 12' Lubricated Thrusters
- 3x Backdoor ♥♥♥♥♥ 9
- 1x "Undetectable Aimbot" from AimJunkies
- 6x Magnum condoms
- 5x Bananas
- 1x Small Condom
- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream
- 1x Deag's Rust Career
- 1x Gay Poster

Please respond back to us using your old email:
i♥♥♥♥[email protected]






Have you ever felt like you missed out on your chance to fight in WWI? Fear not, because if you take up gardening you can:

1) Engage in chemical warfare.
2) Fight a never-ending battle of attrition against enemies who always have been and always will be trying to take over (to be fair to them, you started it).
3) Constantly worry about whether your troops are being supplied with what they need to keep them healthy and strong.
4) Deal with aerial attacks, both on your frontlines by birds, or on your headquarters by bees.
5) Beat the absolute ♥♥♥♥ out of living things with a shovel.





SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT: (FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS)

1) I NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET (LO0K AT #5)
2) THE ANSWER IS (L0OK AT #11)
3) D0NT GET MAD (L0OK AT #15)
4) CALM DOWN DONT BE TICKED OFF ( L0OK AT #13)
5) FIRST (L0OK AT #2)
6) D0NT BE THAT MAD (L0OK AT #12)
7) I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI...LOL
8 ) WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS...(THE ANSWER IS ON #14)
9) BE PATIENT (L0OK AT #4)
10) THIS IS THE LAST TIME IMMA DO THIS (L0OK AT #7)
11) IM NOT MAD WHEN IM SAYIN THIS (L0OK AT#6)
12) S0RRY (L0OK AT #8 )
13) D0NT BE GETTIN ALL HYPE (L0OK AT #10)
14) I D0NT KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS (L0OK AT #3)
15) YOU MUST BE REALLY TICKED OFF (L0OK AT NUMBER #9) \