Call of Duty: Black Ops III made me become Christian.

How might you ask? With a solid 80 (60h actual gameplay/20h game being broken) hours of my life lost to this atrocity I can very easily tell you how. The campaign mainly consists of a garbage meangingless plotline set in the year 2100 that some methhead made in his basement, there is virtually not one positive i can think off for campaign as a whole, it's not clever, it's not innovative, it's not satisfying, it's not entertaining, it doesn't serve any purpose in its existence, I guess it might be challenging? If you consider the game just rapidly spawning an enemy in its predetermined location every time you kill it on the map challenging. Personally, i don't consider this challenging, I consider it cancer and I'll inform you that the only thing that separates the campaign difficulties, is the amount of cancerous enemies that are just crammed onto the map and respawn every time they are killed.

If you have suicidal thoughts or tendencies, please do not attempt to play campaign on Veteran+ difficulty, because this game will definitely make you want to hurt yourself, dying from 2 shots when there are 40 different constantly respawning enemies shooting and throwing explosives towards your location because the braindead teammate AI is stuck in a wall and you can't leave cover since you'll instantly get killed is not a very fun experience. Quite frankly, campaign as a whole is not a very fun experience, there's constant bugs with scopes completely breaking after cutscenes/dying to the point where its impossible to scope in unless you want to see the top left quadrant over the screen magnified, campaign requires an internet connection to run and will take you to the main screen if you lose connection for a second, the customisation potential of your kit is there but this hardly matters since there are only 3 good guns, the cutscenes are repetitive and only continue to highlight how little effort and care went into the terrible story/campaign.

Multiplayer is not much better, I can't speak for all regions but Australia virtually only has one full team deathmatch lobby of people that still play the game in 2019, 90% of these people that still play are max level prestige master and have 1K+ hours in the game. You start off with a very basic and low tier kit and the fact that you have to level up in multiplayer by consistently playing more multiplayer games to unlock ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE BASE KIT (E.G. more weapons, melee weapons, characters, character abilities, perks, scorestreaks, grenades/tacticals) makes multiplayer a very painful process. If you are bothered to hit level 55 while constantly getting destroyed by the same prestige master players and do unlock all the free items in multiplayer, you're still not technically on the same level as everyone else since HALF THE TOTAL GUNS ARE IN LOOTBOXES WHICH CAN BE UNLOCK THROUGH MICROTRANSACTIONS OR THE "FREE 2 PLAY" METHOD (ABOUT 3 HOURS OF GAMEPLAY FOR A COMMON CRATE). Wow this makes multiplayer sound not that great are there any positives? No there aren't, the games you play will mostly consist of people calling hacks and arguing in chat when they die, people yelling at others for using "overpowered" guns, people accusing others of using controller, and just generally people calling others the N word or F word over a video game. Regardless of whether that person that kills 4 people in midair every time they jump and has a K/D/A of 42/6/2 every game is a cheater or the next undiscovered Shroud is irrelevant as the low lack of people that still play this game means you can't find a different lobby or report, why would report function or be implemented well at all, did you forget this was COD?

Apparently people like the zombies mode but I wouldn't know, I never got the $60 season pass on top of the full price $70 game that also happens to have lootbox microtransactions for 75% of the above-average guns in multiplayer.

You've read all this and you might still be wondering how exactly this game converted me to Christianity. It's quite simple, as I was playing this game, I slowly realised that Call of Duty: Black Ops III is the modern interpretation of eternal punishment and torture of your soul after death, also known as Hell in the bible. I've committed a lot of bad deeds over my lifetime as I'm sure a lot of us have, and if God truly does exist and Christianity governs our existence, I will certainly be unwilling to go to Hell because of my atheistic views or the bad things I have said and done. This is because I have realised that the genuine definition of Hell is being forced to play Call of Duty: Black Ops III campaign mode and multiplayer for the rest of eternity.

TL;DR If someone ever tells you that what you are currently doing is the biggest waste of life, time, dedication, money, happiness, intellect, any other emotion, effort, talent or any other significant resource in life kindly remind them that at the very least you aren't playing Call of Duty: Black Ops III.