- Bob Saget
Every planet has an atmosphere. Every galaxy contains some form of life. Every universe contains potential. And every one of Matt's balls contains gallons of sperm. You see, the elusive 'Matt' creature lives in a cave. The cave walls are lined with paintings all drawn using Matt's dried ♥♥♥ and the only thing that fuels his lust is 'titties'. In his quest for titties, he feeds on pounds of bacon daily. The high fat and protein allows his body to become what we at National Geographic call: a Jizz Factory. His clothes, bedding, and food are all covered in his own jizzum to help recycle what is being wasted. The hard crusty exterior of his clothes helps prevent bullets and damage from local hunters and predators. The legendary Matt creature is rarely seen in public, for you see, a Matt is not allowed to jerk off in public and this frustrates him. This particular Matt climbed to the top of the Twin Towers in New York before valiantly jumping off the highest point. He was furiously masturbating while falling through the air at speeds of close to 300 miles per hour and his ♥♥♥ lined the windows during his decent. As Matt hit the ground at such high speeds, his ♥♥♥♥ made a hole in the street three foot in diameter. Matt did not survive this mating ritual, but his tale will forever be entwined in what is considered: The League of Legends.