> Be me.
> Booting up Halo Infinite so I can find something to complain about on the halo subreddit.
> Wife is in the other room with her date so I turn up the volume because the slapping and squelching noises irritate me.
>*MICROSOFT SPLASH SCREEN DESTROYS MY EARDRUMS*
> Screech and throw my controller, breaking it.
> Write r/halo post about how 343 broke my controller while I sit through the 20 minute loading screen.
> Main menu.
> Write r/halo post about how 343 wasted 20 minutes of my precious existence with their loading screen.
> Queue for game and go to edit my spartan.
> Zero customisation options without the battlepass and you can't edit your spartan while matchmaking anyway.
> Buy battlepass.
> Write r/halo post about how Halo 3 didn't have this problem while waiting in queue (expected wait: 37 seconds).
> A short 43 minutes later I'm in a match. Oddball on 140 Ping.
> Type in chat to ask which country's region servers I'm connected to because I shouldn't have "*** ****".
> Ping is censored by 343 and all-chat is removed so only 3 people see my message.
> American with open mic calls me a slur so I go to report him, leave, and re-queue.
> Pause menu UI doesn't work. I am stuck in the lobby.
> Make the most of the situation and pop off. Really enjoy myself despite everything.
> Disconnected without any kind of error message with 4 seconds left in the match. No XP rewarded because I 'left'.
> Write a post on r/halo how I lost 50xp of progress towards my weekly ultimate reward (it's a visor tint).
> Go to requeue.
> Temp-banned for the next 343 years.
> Pissed as hell. My vasectomy means I'll never have descendants to finish the battle pass for me.
> Go to ask wife for her email so I can make another account and play on that instead.
> Shocked at what I see.
> Vomit in my mouth.
> Run back to PC.
> Write r/halo post about how 343 literally ♥♥♥♥♥♥ my wife.
> Post gets deleted by mods.