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Finnmark, Norway 
3 
1 
I've rented out a spare room in my cellar to your dad four about a month now. He's kept mostly to himself and the most I've seen from him are small traces of birdseed by the stairs. I think he mostly comes out at night? Either way, there's been this increasingly rank smell coming from down stairs. Turns out your dad was too scared to tell us that the toilet's been clogged, mostly it's just full of what I assume to be huge chunks of cotton? We're all very confused. That's not where the smell came from though. As a toilet substitute he's been using a huge sack of flour. He's just been peeing into the same flour sack for almost the entire rental period and it's horrific! He'll be moving out the 31st.
/Jannet
Your dad's been found pantsless, huffing cornflake dust outside the local tattoo parlor this weekend. The absolute state he was found in lead people to question whether or not he was even alive. Until he started kicking and screaming for the "demons" to back off. He then shakingly curled over on all fours and shot a stream of semen onto the pavement. Now he's sleeping on the ground in a pile of crushed cereal, vomit and semen. We hid him under a large tarp for the time being. We have a team of vets coming to check up on him in a few hours. He should be back on his feet and ready to get picked up soon. It would be best if you could come pick him up by Thursday.
// Jeremy from Scotts Veterinary Clinic