Hello and welcome to my video essay. Today I will be discussing a philosophy that I have spent years building and perfecting. You may have heard of certain internet communities that like to participate in something called the "red pill," and also the "black pill." These are philosophies that seek an understanding of the way females act in a romantic, sexual, or intimate sense toward males, usually focusing on the "beta male." Both philosophies split men into two separate categories: beta and alpha. Alpha males are your linebackers, minor league baseball players, and Matthew McConaugheys. They are the chiseled-chin pretty boys that used to pick on you back in high school and got to finger bang every girl you had a crush on in their Honda CRX. Beta males are you. They are the ♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥ white boys who play Hearthstone all day and can't even muster up the courage to ask a girl out or even look one in the eyes for longer than two seconds without darting their stare around the room like a mental patient. Usually, there is no helping these types, and they'll most likely end up killing themselves, shooting up a school campus, or settling down with a fat emotional whale of a woman that humiliates them in public on a consistent basis.

The red pill philosophy hopes to console the beta male and offer a solution to them so that they can finally start getting blowjobs from the cute Starbucks barista they buy coffee from every morning. It sets out to expose the behavior patterns that women have been using to oppress and control men in our modern society and offer solutions for a beta male to follow in order to become an alpha: things like lifting weights, getting a nice haircut, calling women "dirt ho" to their face, and just being overall more self-confident and less of a ♥♥♥♥♥. It puts talking to women in a way that the typical beta can understand, like it's a video game. Every woman you talk to is like the final boss, and you need to hit all the weak points in order to ♥♥♥♥ her.

The black pill philosophy is more of a doom and gloom type deal. It teaches that if you're already ugly, awkward, and beta, there is no hope for you, and you should just give up on trying. It teaches that women seek out genetically superior males. Sometimes females will settle down with a beta in order to be treated like a princess and have their toes sucked on, but they will eventually cheat on the beta with a genetically superior male, divorce him and take all of his money, or ask for a polygamous relationship so they can cuck the beta into submission. Basically, if you subscribe to the black pill theory, you've already given up hope of ever finding happiness in a relationship with a woman because you recognize all of the disgusting behaviors women exhibit in the dating scene and see no solution as you were not born with the right genetics.

While both of these philosophies are great and really expose the disgusting behaviors women tend to show time and time again, I still feel like there's something missing from them. I still don't think they've hit the nail on the head, so I've decided to create my own pill philosophy that combines theories from both the red and the black pill, while also blending in my own beliefs and strategies. I'm calling it the "gold" pill because there's always gold at the end of the tunnel and I truly believe that we can defeat women and get all the head that we deserve. Like the other two philosophies, the gold pill follows the ideal that all women are emotional ♥♥♥ machines and are constantly seeking a Jason or Brad in their life. But unlike the black pill and more like the red pill, I see that there's a way around this. The way I choose to view my game against women that differs from the red pill is that I view talking to and picking up women as if it were a JRPG (or Japanese role-playing game, for those who are uninitiated).

You see, every JRPG has the same basic premise and outcome: you start off as the unlikely hero thrust into an apocalyptic scenario that you must stop. In life, you are the unlikely hero, or beta male, thrust into an apocalyptic scenario, which is never getting laid, that you must stop. At first, you have no stats, no epic loot, and no good party members. You must start off by getting your first weapon, which , in this case, would be the confidence to actually go outside for once. Women don't just hang around in your parents' basement. They go outside and go to social events and activities, so take a shower, shave your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ facial hair, and take a step outside. It may be terrifying, but think about how terrified Chrono was in Chrono Trigger when he had to go back in time to save Marle from the failed teleportation experiment.

Now that you are outside, I want you to go to a public place, like a shopping mall or grocery store. Find a girl that's at least a 5/10 or 6/10, but not anything above that, as you don't have enough experience points yet to take on those late-game enemies. Go up to her and immediately start a conversation; it doesn't matter about what. You're still learning the battle system, so don't be afraid of rejection/failure. Treat the conversation like you would in your favorite JRPG. Ask her if she knows any gossip that's going around on around town. If she reacts positively to this, then carry on the conversation, but if she looks at you like the insane autistic person you are, then use your "run" option for a quick getaway.

Whether your first encounter is successful doesn't really matter; the important thing is that you took the first step in your epic quest toward sexual satisfaction. Starting off in this game, you're a base-level schlub. You look ugly, you've got bad acne, and you wear glasses with stupid frames... and your mom still picks out what you're going to wear for the day. You need to go from being like that punk ass ♥♥♥♥♥ Cloud in Final Fantasy VII to being more like his alpha male partner-in-crime, Barrett, the dude with the machine gun arm. But how do you start this process when you feel like you're already so far gone? It's simple, dumbass. You need to gather some epic loot and armor pieces. These can be found in dungeons like Aeropostale or Hollister. I know what you're thinking. My clothes are fine just the way they are. Why would I conform and go to a normie store like the Gap and buy normal clothes? It's simple: these stores will provide you with the armor pieces necessary to build up your stats, like charisma or luck. Once you gather some of these items, you will find it easier to win when you enter battle mode with a woman.

Secondly, you need to pick your class. There are five classes to choose from. You've got the fighter, the mage, the cleric, the thief, and the ranger. The fighter class allows you to lift weights more easily, get sick gains, and you'll have cute tiny chicks climbing all over your huge biceps, giggling and rubbing oil all over each other. The mage class allows you to cast spells on women that make them more susceptible to listening to your diatribes about which Weezer album after Pinkerton is actually kind of good. The cleric class allows you to heal emotionally vulnerable women's wounds and have them slobbering on your ♥♥♥♥ in no time. This class is great for picking up the wrist-cutting, choker-wearing chicks you see at your local music venues. You know who I'm talking about. The thief class allows you to steal the panties of the women you sleep with for your collection. You also collect knives. The ranger class gives you the ability to look at women from across the room and have them instantly become wet. Whichever class you choose, be sure you're pumping in the right stats to make the best use of your abilities.