I come from a land where dragons and kites both live together in peace. After awhile, a group of umbrella-wielding golf nazis invaded our town and forced the dragons to leave our planet, Earth. Upon their coming, I fled to the nearest cactus ranch to hide all belongings so that I may live my life amongst the cacti.

After many months of staying with the cacti, I began to realize that nothing is sacred and I must return to my original home. I headed back to town only to find the umbrella-wielding golf nazis were at war with rabbid space bunnies. The space bunnies were driven away, but left behind a ravenous disease that infected the golf nazis. The disease, named the Orange Plague, spread and the golf nazis were wiped from existence. Luckily for me, I was immune to such a disease.

Weeks passed and I found a lone camera. I rolled the tape back to find that the space bunnies and the golf nazis were mortal foes, and that their battle would finish on the day of May 27, 2003. I realized that day had just passed, the day the golf nazis were defeated.

I swam my way across the Pacific and Indian Oceans and reached land. I'm not sure where I was, but whatever country I was in was unimpressive. Various Australian pirates began to invade the land as well. I fled to a nearby oasis.

This oasis is where I met my friends Stuart Pid and Louis Zer, but I called them Stu Pid and Lou Zer respectively. Together we ventured back to Alaska, but Lou was killed by the Australian pirates on the way there.

Stu and I wanted to head to New Jersey, the date now being October 1, 2010. We began to trek onward, but I failed to keep Stu alive. He passed on from a no-longer existent disease called Bieber Fever. I reached New Jersey some day in July 2011 and created my Steam account to play Team Fortress 2 and get criticized by veteran players.