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i have kidney problems

-Rep After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.

-rep prefers minuscule sized russians.

Hey, i saw your profile picture and thought you looked pretty cute, i know this is out of the blue, me messaging you out of nowhere, but would you like to go out to dinner with me? I know an amazing Kfc down the road, Or perhaps a cheeky Nando's? I really want to get to know you. I hope to hear back from you soon.

Also if you even ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ look at another man before messaging me back, i will slit your ♥♥♥♥♥ throat and wear your tits on my arms so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ watch out. Think about that Nando's though?

+rep hopefully, didn't wake up today.