It was a warm summer night. All my friends had left me for their ugly girlfriends and I knew what I had to do. See mine. my one true love who would never leave me. I walk into the pub when I see her. Her golden skin filled the room. I giggle to myself as I see her golden locks dibble over her face. Her pasty red sauce and fresh ham cover her gorgeous face. As she lay there on the porcelain plate I dig in. Like the scene from ratatouille flavours fill my mouth. Fireworks. I wash her down with a scooie of VB. Can life get any better?