Dragon stuff

Woof

A watermelon.

And I'll tell ya why. You're walking down the street, someone tries to rob you. "Gimme all your money!". You don't. You don't have any money. You only have a watermelon. Tell them that. They'll give you a funny look, a sigh of disappointment, then walk away. Robbers have no interest in watermelons. It's a proven fact.

So you keep walking. The sounds of scuffling feet grab your attention. There's a basketball game going on. Not one second later you hear a POP! Someone killed the basketball. Everyone is sad. You casually walk into the situation, whip out your watermelon, then, with an air of cool confidence, say "hey guys it's alright, I got it covered". Watermelons make the perfect basketball replacement. It's a proven fact. You play a few games, not too aggresively, but not too amateur either. The vibe gets intense. Everyone's attention is on you and your mad watermelon skills. The women are giddy with joy, the men are blowing you kisses. With a quick nod and a warm smile, you resume your travels.

You see a crackhead passed out on the sidewalk. "ARE YOU OKAY?!". No response. You spy a crack pipe nearby and place it into their mouth. You put your watermelon inside ever so softly, and light it up. The fumes release. The chemicals hit. He jolts awake. "What have I done?!". He runs off into the horizon. Later on you discover that he ran all the way to Brazil, where he cleaned up and started a successful business of breeding and selling parakeets. Watermelons have been known to help with crack addiction. It's a proven fact.

You're getting tired. There's a coffee shop close by. You step in. You order a venti latte. "$4.75" she says. Bummer. You still have no money. You start to walk away. "Wait a second... Is that... Is that...A watermelon?". Her gaze is intense. Her interest is piqued. You present the truth. She goes nuts. "Omigod omigod can I hold it, CAN I HOLD IT??". You submit to her desire. She's thrilled, elated, even slightly aroused. Baristas LOVE watermelons. Proven fact. "Omg that was so awesome, btw that venti you ordered, it's on the house". Boom. You win.