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Chu Chu Pac Flicky DX+

If you get really into the game then the Steamcloud integration will eat your save. This process will repeat three times.

Forget everything you know about crawling up a dungeon! Adventure Time: EtDBIDK is the premiere loot-em-up by the cash-in division of Pendleton Ward who brought you such classic titles as Adventure Time: Zelda 2 on the DS and Adventure Time: Mobile IAP simulator.

This title takes all of your favorite Dungeon Crawly tropes and dumbs you in the role of Marceline, who is a bit more fun to play as, or Jake or Finn, neither of which is fun at all. Fight through I think 50 floors of pallete swaps while the charming sprites and voice work bore you away! The tropes are the very most basic. You pick up the items, you perma-die but still progress somehow, and sometimes you fight a boss. Reading that previous sentence is more action-packed than the actual game though.

While the gameplay may be the most bland and unfun thing ever, the voice acting is charming. 20-somethings who insist they are not hipsters and 8-year-olds alike will get a huge kick out of recognizing characters. "Hey that's Muscle Princess." If you love an Adventure Time cartoon program and you have to get all associated merchandise then quality has to take a back seat. What are you waiting for? Consider adding this one to your collection right away!

Has:

• A Romp
  
• Charming Pixel Arts
  
• Characters & Voices U Know & Love

Lacks:

• Quality Tunes
  
• Turret Sections
  
• Fun Factor

We give this game a NO out of 5.
-- Highlights for Kids Magazine

“3... out of 5” --Xplay "Adam Sessler"
3/10 “THIS GAME ISN'T FUN, BUT IT SURE HAS GUTS!” --Shounen Jump
5/10 “We're going out of business.” --Gamespy
24/100 “Not a single anime. No pantsu at all. I just don't get Western developers.” --Famitsu Magazine

Get bent! You and your ball’s trajectory sure will in this modernist take on a stale moldy bread classic. Remember playing a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ breakout clone when you were a kid and now you don’t want to play a breakout clone? This game is cookie cut for you by taking the classic Break Em Up gameplay and flipping it on its side.
Take control of the bumper. From the mean streets of a kinetic energy farm you will break your way across the universe to radical techno. Use the wind to push or pull balls and points alike in this indie art for the ages. Chill out hardcore or multiball for an indecent number of points, the choice is yours! Fill your satisfaction meter to shield or to release a salvo of kablamo. This game will get your ears and heart pumping as you race across surreal scenes or struggle to get the last block in a circular area.

Bosses are rocking radical hardcore and this game has bonus rounds. When you beat a level it will show you how much better your steam friends have done than you and then you feel bad and want to do it again.

Has:
Is social
Colors move on-screen
Multiple balls & types of balls
Linux & OSX support. You are cool!

Lacks:
Paddle controller
Dating Elements & Anime in General
The Occulous Rift support
Simultaneous Co-Op Online Multiplayer

9/10 Pretty game. I like to play it.
-- PC Gamer

10/10 “game is super fab” -- Gay Gamer
“We give it a 4, out of 5.” --Xplay
32/40 “Fun game but I ordered anime.” --Famitsu
“I’m going to make a computer.” --Gabe Newell

Have you ever wanted to be the captain of a space ship but Star Trek is too nerdy for you? Well now you are in EA Presents Bio BeWare Mass Effect 2: Axe Effect. Take on the role of commander Shepard and be you in space. Or be Shepard in space. It’s whatever. Best friend of waist high walls, you shoot your OWN path through predestined story missions. Talk to some bros and listen to banter in space in this Sci Fi mans shooter.

In space, all of the shooters are mans. There are aliens that don’t look like mans but they don’t shoot thank goodness. I really get to feel like it’s cold blood murder in space and the action is visceral even when poor humanoid robots shoot me. To be fair there are also space spiders and space dogs so geeze I guess it’s not a total copy and paste skeleton job!

The gameplay is cover man shooting but it is also talking to people in towns and making numbers get bigger. You will be playing an RPG sometimes, but then you are working for the establishment and gunning down mens next thing you know. What genre of game are you even playing? We’ve all played a game before so the rest of this review is not about gameplay.

The star of the show is codex talk man. At any time you can pause to stop playing the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game and go through menus to listen to a smooth talking gentleman chat about the game. You may be familiar with codex from Drag on Age or Final Fantasy XIII 1-3. but this time the codex is the highlight of the game as you sit back and get read the game to you. Over the course of the game you will get more bros for your ship and redder guns but the new codex entries are what pull the player along.

For all you creepers out there you can have a romantic relationship with all sorts of space dudes and ladies. But not dude on dude because that is gay. In this Mass Effect no one is gay in space. Except women sometimes. But that’s not gay in space.

Resource farming minigame? Lockpick minigame? We got it all here folks! Why don’t you slide up behind a turret or bap some heads off? But before you say seen this and peace out you get psychic abilities. If you are Vanguard (only be Vanguard folks) you can flip guys up to slow motion gravity and be goku instant transmission across the battlefield in space. You get some slaughterpals like Space Mad-Scientist Frog and Bald Girl Wanna Kill Things just to name a couple murderbuddies.

Mass Effect 2 has a revolutionary choice-O-meter. You are red or you are blue and you cut yourself off from future opportunity just like in the real world. You can scratch the code off of your Doritos (™) Shepard’s Favorite Chips On The Citadel (™) chips to get more empathy points to spend on your dating harem if you choose to play the game like a weird alcoholic space pimp and not a serious professional going about saving the galaxy. Paragorn Mountain Dew for blue bloods.

So strap on your watch which is a computer asap at your your local Valve Steam store. You are the telekinetik undead military captain rockstar and everyone loves you when you pull the trigger in space. Big Man OR Big Woman power fantasy in the hot game on a spaceship in space: Mass Effect 2: The Mass Effects.

Has:
- The Choice. The Impact
- 18 DLCs. The future of Gaming is here.
- Vehicle Sections! Gamer’s favorite
- Dating Element. It’s not LovePlus so it’s okay.
- Online Multiplayer. Shoot your bros.!

Lacks:



Well there you have it folks! The perfect game!

11 / 10 No questions asked.
-- IGN.com


Five… Out of Five. “Played a Video Game” --Xplay Morgan Web
97/100 “Numbers get bigger. Tentacle head girl. Western Tho.” -- Famitsu
10/10 “I luv 2 laugh. Fun Video Game.” -- O prah Magazine
10/10 “Beautiful. Stunning. A living dream of diamonds on ebony.” -- National Geographic

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Tropico 4, much like its predecessor, is a slick game for Master Clicks. You probably just want to simulate helping out the impoverished third world and become master of condescension. But can you overcome your personal greed and love of numbers getting bigger? Tropico 4 is the latest in a series of video games that have numbers both inside the title and out.

In this one you select a player avatar and pretend you are a historical figure which has no bearing on the gameplay. Guided by your entourage of caricatures of historical figures you will try not to be a huge ♥♥♥♥ to dark people. This game is all about clicking on the ground to make it be things other than ground as best as possible. Along the road you will meet caricatures of other historical figures which should appeal to history nerds and conspiracy buffs alike.

Okay nuff summary time for some review! *takes off fingerless gloves* *dusts hands with pool chalk*

T4 is brown. We are talking 2007 Michael Baystion 3 levels of brow. What a huge browner. It is almost as brown as stock Fallout 3. Not even talking about race here but like 'oh hey I'm going to build a 20th condo and 50th plantation, I wonder what color they will be this time?'
Good thing smellovision will never be a thing. First of all I don't want to know what everyone's favorite, The Hatsune Miku, would smell like, but more importantly this game would be full of hella stank.
Next up, this game reminds me of my crushing real life and job because you can never make everyone happy. Lord knows you can try but then it is YOU who you are making unhappy, again just like in real life. If I grind the money then I will feel bad about poor people. If I try to help the poor people I ultimately don't. If I build a sweet dairy farm and have a good time then something is seriously missing in my life. No one respects how well you click, not even you.

T4 pokes fun at the awful world and it gets massive kudos for that. It is full of light-hearted “dark humor” but it's the snarky and almost smart kind, not the dead baby kind. The developers were on the path to a nazi death camp management sim and stopped short at the lesser tragedy of cold war Latin America and then made the same game better three more times.


Has:
- Culture for Hipsters
- Socialism but also Capitalism, it's whatever
- Living, Breathing World

Lacks:
- Controller Support
- “Social” gaming elements. Your facebook friends will never know that you built a library.
- Occulous Rift Support (looking at you John Carmack)

Overall Tropical Four is totally a game you can play. Not recommended for the dumb babbys, faint of heart, or couch play.


ɷѾ۞ Little butt, big butt, and a crazy star out of five stars

-- AAA Roadside Assistant Magazine

2/10 "That's Not Funny Dude." --National Geographic
4/10 "PC gamers are supposed to play porn games." --Famitsu Magazine
"Oraoraoraora! GUTS!!" --Shounen Jump
"We give it a Three.... out of Five." --Xplay RIP Adam Sessler you're giving 3outta5s in heaven now. ;__;
9/10 "This title menu is great for hours on end!" --Giant Bong Quick Look
?/10 "Sorry sir I fell asleep trying to play it. I didn't do the homework." --IGN Gamespot

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Relive letting down your friends and family in glorious 3D! This is America, where you are probably going to die and be forsaken by people you trusted in Left 4: Dead II. Take control of white male or ethnical woman in Valve’s timeless Run-n’-Die. Do you got what it takes to throw a molotov at zombs and your buddies in a narrow corridor?

The stage is set for physics and dai(Japanese for ‘large’ or ‘big’)katanas. Get jammed through campaign and ruin friendships with your bros while your avatars look like they need a shower really badly. But then when you’re done you can play all the levels from the first game with more physics. Ready to stop playing? No you’re not across infinite Steam Workshop creative content where you get social and upvote items to your friends. It is a mad struggle but ultimately worth it when you play as Master Man Chief (Call of Halo series), Anime Girl (Touhou Collection), Sad Father Figure (Silent Hill: The Shattered Memories) , and everyone’s favorite The Hatsune Miku. Download entire levels from Crash Bandicoot games, Ravenholm, or The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time. It’s totally legit I’m not making this up.

Oh yeah, the actual review / my job. Left 4: part 2 is a casual hardcore game for first person shooters where you don’t feel so bad about murdering brown people. The (only sometimes brown) people in this one are “infected,” NOT zombies. But you don’t care because they are zombies. Weapons range from bap bap to pata-pata-pata and some even go swish. In some ways shoot a Zombie makes me yawn and roll my eyes and say, “how passe.” But when you get together with your brobros on ventrillo and start screaming at eachother you form The Bond only multiplayer gaming can do. I have punched a wall in source engine before but it never falls apart, let alone in front of a Bro! This is the most under rated Bro-on-Bro shooter since Bro of Duty Bro Ops. I beat a level and cried because it played the music we all chose from the Steam Workshop. I cried over ventrillo with my friends while playing a PC game and I am sharing this fact with you because my editor and I have no shame.

Conclusion piece: L42 is an emotional roller coaster. The textures are not very good and the enemies come at you until you put metal in them and they stop moving. The boom headshots are visceral and the multiplayer is online Bro Op. Or you can Be the Zombie which some dudes are into.

Has:
- Jump-Ducks and Lots of Guns. It’s as if it’s Half Life 2!
- Steam Workshop Support & Grey loading bar frustration with friends.
- Valve Logo black man wears a valve (get it?) on his head

Lacks:
- Sex Minigame
- Male Power Fantasy, you are not really A Big Man. (debatable in the comments below)
- Big Boss Battles

10 / 10 Valve game. Next week I’ll tell you about my sex life again.
--Kotak

“We Give it a 3...” --Xplay
9/10 “Stunning. Beautiful on Full Settings. A bastion of Light in a World of Death.” --The Examiner
10/0 “THIS GAME HAS SOME GUTS!” --Shounen Jump
10/10 “Crumbling house physics in a source game? Why I never!” --Gamespy Arcade
7/10 “Fun even though Western. Anime girls are modded in with one click.” --Famitsu Magazine
2/10 “My friends always leave me for dead and the credits make fun of me.” --America Online
“ … out of 5.” -- Xplay


If you like the review feel free to leave a comment and tell those JERKS at IGN to stop giving me a swirly at every GDC. I’m a real games journalist too you guys! Let me play beer pong with you and the Gamespot guys COME ON!

You emerge from the womb presented with three dialog options. We’re not talking ‘red blue or green’ and we’re certainly not talking ‘attack defend or route.’ Your choices are some meandering fancy like “scoop up slime, hold your breath, or call for help.” Welcome to Monster Loves You, where dialog choices comprise the whole of the gameplay. Revel in stat bonuses for choosing the right option —it’s always the right option— and accrue new dialog choices based on your newfound stats. But watch out! Don’t get enough stats —it’s never enough— and you will unknowingly close yourself off from other dialog options.

If you think that choosing an option is actual gameplay, this is the game for you! It’s like Final Fantasy X’s combat with none of the consequences or combat. If you want to be mentally stimulated then this is not the Cart Life for you. I think this game is actually for kids. Like the literal kind of children, not the autismal man kind. Cute 4 girls but you know what? Girls want to play a video game. You know casual appeal of Bejewel and Peggel where you choose a touch and stuff goes? In Monster Loves You there is choose a touch but then you just choose more and more touch. Monster does not even love you until late-game.

Has:
- Artistic Direction
- Be your own monster!
- Touch or mouse. It’s all good.

Lacks:
- Gameplay Element (really dropped the ball on this one)
- Animation
- Sokoban Block Puzzle

Winblows 8 Touch Screen Bonus - You are not an iPad!

2 / 10 Boring as a generous bag of wet nails.
What kind of monster will you roll? Care enough to continue playing to find out!

-- Cosmopolitan

0 / 0 "This game doesn’t have any GUTS!!!" --Shounen Jump
“We give it a Three..... “ --X-Play Adam Sessler
3/10 “Scrub ass game for indie nooblords.” -- IGN
9/10 “Fun for ages 10 and down” --Fisher-Price
2 inches "Throw ‘er back in!” --Bait & Tackle

Welcome to the Lighthouse! Take control of Labcoat Doctor and push the boundaries of RPG Maker in this immersive 2D sprite based Chat-Em-Up. It’s like you’re really smelling a pixelated rodent corpse! Pumped out by Freebird Games, proud creators of nothing else, Two: The Moon is a high octane Joyride through surreal scenery, wicked wilds, and magnificent mansions. Prophets say you have not truly read a dialog box until you have played 2tM.


The plot man is dying, and it is your duty to give no ♥♥♥♥♥ and trundle on. The core gameplay consists of sweet pickups and fat chats. Are YOU ‘hard’ enough to sleep in a room with a very loud ticking clock? Why IS old man obsessed with phallic lighthouse? Head “to the moon” to find out!


2tM asks the player a question about themselves. The player says yes, me. The industry and critics go crazy because you can’t release a pixel these days without someone somewhere ruining a perfectly good pair of clothes. Surprisingly few devs want to ape 2tM’s style.


Has:
- Pony Ride
- Key Items
- “How Quaint” Moments.


Lacks:
- Lock-picking minigame
- Michael Bay Moments
- Co-Op Bro-Op with ur Bros. Bro-operation.


Overall it is a game to play. Good one-handed gameplay experience while you eat a burrito and get fat with the other hand. Would recommend. Gold star.


-- The New Yorker



Five out of Five. “What an art. Games is art.” --Xplay Morgan Web
1/10 “really embarrassing to play in front of my bros and parents” --IGN
5/10 "Play it with girlfriend and get laid, but no waist-high walls." --Maxim Magazine
2/10 “I swear this is not even a game” --Famitsu Magazine
4 stars “What IS game?” -- Game informer


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Kick any semblance of combat to the curb in Yes Origins: Yes 1 & 2 Collection! Want to be an anime sprite but tired of choosing attacks from menus? Take control of Adol, the red haired anime who just wants to adventure. Adol wakes up to find himself up to his (your) neck in adventure and must uncomfortably bump his way out.

Okay enough summary time for the review! *cracks knuckles* Ys Chronicles is a lazy game for newbs who don’t know how to play (or make??) a REAL RPG. Combat consists of you rubbing against an enemy until one of you explodes. I’m serious you can brush elbows with a Goblin and it’s just a horrible pixelated bloody mess everywhere. It’s an RPG where you must get a better sword and shield, like I haven’t seen THAT one before!

So more anime shows up and there is a big tower? The story is elegant in its simplicity while the remade vendor graphics and sprites are charmingly well done so it’s like an indie game if it were made by real people in the late 80s. The explores are pretty phat too. Phat explores. A JRPG title with this little substance is never going to happen again folks. I’m trying to think of more to talk about but that is literally it. That’s all. That’s the whole two games. I think an NPC goes through a wall at one point which is a big deal to fans of the series.


Features:
- Late Game Bromance
- Numbers Getting Bigger
- Tale of Souls & Swords

Lacks:
- Light Hearted Minigame
- Bros Before Hoes (#1reasonwhy)
- Combat Gameplay Mechanics

This game does nothing for me because I don’t own a single wall scroll. All I need is Rockstar Energy.

--Maxim Magazine


9 / 10 “It gets hard and is an anime with a story. True born classic.” - Famitsu Magazine
3 out of 5. - Xplay
9 / 10 “I can eat food with one hand and play with the other.” - PC Gamer

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