my love<3

happy bday

Panic grips my withering state of mind, my dearest blood-related offspring of the masculine variety! I hurriedly implore you to reverse the movements of your lower appendages so that I may accomplish that same feat, allow this so-called 'door' to reach the fullest extent of its range of motion, and bid ourselves haste to advance forth and achieve our highest-priority goal!

If it is not apparent to you by now, then I must resort to screeching in your direction! THIS HINGED OBSTACLE IS JAMMED! THIS HINGED OBSTACLE IS JAMMED! Oh woe is me! Allow me to be courteous, and parlay with you! Desperation captures my consciousness, and now I must plead with your unresponsive self to set free this humble protector of our country! Verily, due to the immobilization of myself, the situation has grown most dire! I see now that our impending doom is assured!

Having exhausted all but a final option, you force my hand! I must and insult you whilst s-stuttering, in the vain hopes that we may yet act in a way that w-would assist in accomplishing our predetermined task, and prevent an exceptionally powerful discharge of explosive ordinance! For I can no longer g-grant you the benefit of the doubt! Nay, this unsolicited behavior deserves r-ridicule! Referring to your former m-moniker of 'son,' I hereby label you as a truthful and honest f-fornicator with members of the same sex!

...

I must gasp for breath, as the calamitous moment comes to pass. Ahem. Attention, squadmates of the living and slain variety. In spite of terrifying consequences which unfolded over approximately 17,000 milliseconds, I feel emotionally compelled to seek out and officiate a friendship between myself and the very mortal being that was the sole cause of aforementioned horrors.

Greetings; my given name is Richard Harrison and the facility we have entered is a retail establishment that specializes in unredeemed goods, which is the legal property of yours truly. I currently employ my paternal parental unit, alias, "Elderly Male," and the offspring of oneself, whose given name is Corey Harrison, yet has assumed the identity, "Large Hoss." Each individual item currently possessed by my fine retail establishment beholds a lengthy narrative and of course, this being a legal retail establishment, can be acqulred for reasonable compensation. I have been the legal facilitator of this established haberdashery since the year MCMXCV, and in those XXI years, I have been gradually informed that; thy shall, at no time in the past, future, or present, be aware of by means of observation or inqulry, any details whatsoever of the material goods that will proceed past the aperture of my structure where goods are acquired and distributed simultaneously.

"Circle Jerk” is a pejorative slang term referring to a positive feedback loop which occurs when an idea, belief or meme that is already customary within an online community becomes re-iterated and rewarded in a perpetual cycle, giving rise to redundancy, clichés and karma whoring. This phenomenon is typically observed in communities consisting of self-contained forums devoted to specific interests, beliefs or subcultures.