Own a musket for home defense, since thats what the founding fathers intended.
four ruffians break into my house. "what the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and kentucky rifle.
Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot.
Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog.
I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot,
"tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds the two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.
Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.
He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.
Just as the founding fathers intended.

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You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair. Yes, you did. You've been putting it up your whole life, you just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin? 1958. It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.

Um, hi. I just recently saw your post about wanting a bf? So maybe I'd give it a shot, I mean you're really cute and friendly. I really like anime like you do! So, um.. Can we date? I'm sure we'll be the best otaku couple! We can listen to anime songs and maybe watch some Naruto and Dbz. Do you like those animes? It's okay if not.. Maybe we can watch something much more like hentai or not. I don't want to seem like your horny average guy, so we can watch something innocent. Maybe bleach.. Heh. You're so kawaii, y'know? I just want to kiss your face and call you my kohai. Would you like me to be your senpai boyfriend? I think it'll be really kawaii. I think I love you, kohai. Please make me happy and date a fellow otaku

Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go ♥♥♥♥ myself". I may be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ myself already. Until my ♥♥♥♥ and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. As soon as a single photon reflected by my ♥♥♥♥ enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.

After a good game of league, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great arma and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard wang push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.