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... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ...
😍
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action Required: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not,
complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
-- Bar Troubleshooting
🤑
Shirley MacLaine died today in a freak psychic collision today. Two freaks
in a van [Oh no!! It's the Copyright Police!!] Her aura-charred body was
laid to rest after a eulogy by Jackie Collins, fellow member of SAFE [Society
of Asinine Flake Entertainers]. Excerpted from some of his more quotable
comments:

"Truly a woman of the times. These times, those times..."
"A Renaissance woman. Why in 1432..."
"A man for all seasons. Really..."

After the ceremony, Shirley thanked her mourners and explained how delightful
it was to "get it together"