diabete

munchin

Why the ♥♥♥♥ did he facetime me at 4:29am and tell me he bought a 55 gallon drum of honey and stepped inside to cover his lower half then he said he was gonna squat into a pen full of Guinea pigs? What the ♥♥♥♥ man

OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ love you and it breaks my heart when I see you play with someone else i just want to be your girlfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninterested in me it ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i'm begging you to either love me back or remove me and NEVER contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you don't love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life

Let me ask you something… You ever date an older woman? So I used to work in the hospice over on 42nd street. Giving sponge baths to old ladies, ♥♥♥♥ like that. There was this one patient though, Sally, 82 years old, body like a summer squash. Racist old ♥♥♥♥♥. Always talking about Ronald Reagan and the good ol’ days. But hey, that ass was fat though you feel me? I ain’t a freak or nothing like that but when those dentures come out… best head you’ll ever get. One night we’re going at it and she’s on top of me going crazy. She was twisting and shaking like she was having a seizure. Turns out she actually was having a seizure. She then died from cardiac arrest shortly after but hey, at least she went out with a bang, right?

Well, I had pretty bad acne as a kid. I was sent to a skin rehabilitation camp for horrifically pimpled boys after one of my whiteheads got so big the weight of it obliterated the rear suspension of my stepdads Plymouth Voyager. And I wasn't even the worst one there. One of my bunk-mates was so bad he didn't even start as a kid, he was 100% pimple. Just pus and inflammation, through and through. And he didn't even know it, the poor bastard. He was nice enough... until he found out the truth. That's when he snapped. A counselor was found dead the next day. Beaten to death with a big bag of frozen fish sticks extra greasy. Maybe he was trying to make a point? No one was sure who did it except our cabin and we knew what we had to do. At midnight, we popped him.