So do you want some information about me? You must be proud of yourself. Every second you spend reading this is an extra second of your life I have personally wasted, and I contract immense pleasure from that. The fact you're still reading this shows that you are okay with this. Wait, Still? Are... Are you getting off to this? Ew. Ew. Stop. Stop reading. You made your point. What's wrong with you? Is this how you were planning on spending your day? Did you just drop everything to start reading this? And here you are, still continuing to read it despite the fact you know there is nothing of substance. I feel filthy. You have ruined creative writing for me.