I picked up a beetle and farted on it and it died

Ants are evil

scraping inbetween my toes to collect my famous toe grease, then smearing it onto my pumpkin pie!

Look at this strawberry. It is pitiful compared to the genome of giant berries, such as watermelons. I will give you 50 billion dollars to completely fund the research in genetic modification to achieve such an enormous fruit. Imagine yourself basketball-sized strawberries, what am I, in candy land? It needs to be real, right now. What stops me at strawberries, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? What if blueberries were the size of grapefruits, grapefruits the size of cantaloupes, cantaloupes the size of pumpkins! Cloudy with a chance of blueberries, anyone? "Yes id like to order 20 lbs of blueberries, thanks" "Sure thing, that's 4 blueberries." Thats some heavy ass, plum density like blueberries. Would that be good? Does fruit have to be a certain size to achieve maximum quality? Is a bite sized strawberry is overall better than a giant one? This is the real science that needs to be done. The real jolly green giant ♥♥♥♥.

*casts fishing line into a small pond* You've been good, son, real good. Maybe even the best. But can you reel in this mighty fish that's on the line? Its a big one, a true MAN SIZED fish. Do you think you have what it takes to reel it in, bake in the sunshine, the glory? Some people cannot fathom how it feels to win a battle over an animal on a hook, literally attached so it cant get away from you. Imagine you were a fish, and a giant hook is in your food, you cant get it out, and it constantly pulls you into the sky. Sometimes it yanks really, really hard. Man, I couldn't imagine being a fish.

I walked up to an Italian food store and asked for Waffles. They told me, "Sir, that's not Italian, we don't serve waffles." So, in my hunger, I demanded them to make me my stack of Lumberjack Waffles. Just like Paul Bunyan, I swing my giant over-sized battleaxe through the roof of the establishment. The roof shatters like glass, because well, its made of glass, and the tables engraved with his families great grandmothers hand etchings, burned like the carbon that it is.
Pepperoni Froscuttio started weeping and bawling his eyes out, like a little baby haha.
Left them a terrible review on yelp 0/5 stars