I'm working on a big announcement for tomorrow, don't tell anyone

In truth, I find myself in possession of a pair of curious devices, both serving distinct and noble purposes. The first of these contrivances, a faithful companion, is designated for the noble task of communing with the purveyor of provisions, the provider of sustenance, often referred to as the plug. It is through this means that the essential essence of existence flows, that which nourishes and sustains. The second of these marvels, a trusted companion, has been allocated to the delicate and intricate matter of consorting with the fairer sex, those maidens of grace and allure, and also to engage with the riches of the realm in the pursuit of both passions and riches. This instrument proves its worth.
Thus I declare with due gravitas, that I am in possession of two such devices one designated for the providers of sustenance, the other for the maidens and wealth that grace our mortal world.

boing

big announcement tomorrow, don't tell anyone

⢰⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠻⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇⠀⢀⣴⣶⡾⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⣀⣀⣸⡿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⣾⡟⠛⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀
⢀⣿⠀⢀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣆
⢸⣿⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⣀⣠⣴⣾⣮⣝⠿⠿⠿⣻⡟
⢸⣿⠀⠘⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠉⠀
⠸⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠻⣷⣶⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⢠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⣛⣻⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣀⣀⣀⣼⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⡿

⠀⠀⢀⣀⠤⠿⢤⢖⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⡔⢩⠂⠀⠒⠗⠈⠀⠉⠢⠄⣀⠠⠤⠄⠒⢖⡒⢒⠂⠤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠇⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠈⠀⠈⠈⡨⢀⠡⡪⠢⡀⠀
⠈⠒⠀⠤⠤⣄⡆⡂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⠀⢕⠱⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢳⣐⡐⠐⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠁⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢤⢁⠀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢰⠀⠀⠀⡀⢄⡜⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡦⠄⡷⠢⠤⠤⠤⠤⢬⢈⡇⢠⣈⣰⠎⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣃⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢪⢀⣺⡅⢈⠆⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⡿⠤⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⡤⢺⣥⠟⢡⠃