206
Products
reviewed
0
Products
in account

Recent reviews by Defectus Polaris

< 1  2  3  4 ... 21 >
Showing 11-20 of 206 entries
1 person found this review helpful
0.8 hrs on record
Expected normal snake game. Instead got tactical serpent warfare where my reptilian special forces unit infiltrates enemy bases while somehow operating assault rifles with no arms.

My snake squad moves like a synchronized swimming team made of danger noodles with military training. Enemies are completely unprepared for combat reptiles, which seems like a massive oversight in their security planning.
Posted 2 November.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
15.7 hrs on record (0.8 hrs at review time)
The game tries to take everything great from other similar games and still fails at delivering a good product. Kinda strange, that they failed with the guaranteed good recipe.
Has optimisation issues on friends computer, lots of bots disguised as playerss and no completely disatisfying interest in any looting or missions provided within the game.
"This reminds me off ... " or "This is just like ..." - is what was contstantly in my and my group minds when exploring this game. Sadly, every other game is still somehow better that whatever this was supposed to be.
Posted 11 October.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
2 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
3.3 hrs on record
Expected actual gameplay. Instead discovered the revolutionary concept of watching numbers go up while my character grinds dungeons completely unsupervised like a responsible adult. My hero fights dragons while I'm at work, making me technically a professional adventurer with excellent time management.
Posted 4 October.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
10 people found this review helpful
2 people found this review funny
7.8 hrs on record
Superpowered Chaos Incarnate!

Expected tactical shooter. Instead became an unstoppable invisible supersoldier who turns stealth missions into spectacular displays of extreme violence and flying body parts.

My enemies politely stand around in groups, making it easier to introduce them to walls at high velocity.
The slow-motion bullet time makes every encounter feel like directing my own hyper-violent action movie. I've accidentally mastered the art of dramatic entrances by kicking down doors while time freezes and enemies contemplate their life choices.

Warning: May cause unrealistic expectations about workplace conflict resolution and excessive appreciation for destructible environments.
Posted 4 October.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
0.4 hrs on record
Expected peaceful saloon management. Instead got a shooting gallery!

A fitting story, silly gameplay and suprisingly tricky steam achievements. A truly recommendable laid-back free time waster for you to feast and giggle.
Posted 30 September.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
1 person found this review funny
13.3 hrs on record
Expected normal shooting game. Instead became Neo from The Matrix while red crystal people politely wait for me to move before attempting murder. Time only moves when I move, which explains why I spent 3 hours dodge-weaving through a single hallway like the world's slowest action hero.
The game keeps telling me cryptic messages about control and consciousness. I'm just here throwing staplers at glass people in slow motion while feeling philosophically attacked. Time is a Social Construct Anyway!
Warning: May cause existential crises about free will and unrealistic expectations for real-world bullet physics.
"Finally, a game that made standing still feel like a legitimate strategy" - My overthinking philosopher friend
Posted 30 September.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
219.4 hrs on record
Expected to save my son. Instead spent 200 hours building elaborate settlements with working plumbing while my kid presumably learns patience in captivity. Turns out the real treasure was the absurdly tall wooden towers I constructed along the way.
My character has become a post-nuclear interior designer who occasionally shoots mutants between furniture shopping trips. The dog is the best companion who never judges my hoarding 47 desk fans for "crafting materials."
Warning: May cause obsessive collecting of duct tape and sudden realization you care more about settlement happiness meters than actual plot.
"Finally, a game where ignoring the main quest feels like the right choice" - My priorities-challenged brother
Posted 30 September.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
0.2 hrs on record
Warning: May cause sudden interest in avant-garde art and questionable interior design choices involving deep red accent walls.
Posted 30 September.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
8 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
2.1 hrs on record
Expected epic space politics and sandworms. Instead got a game that's 90% walking through beige landscapes while my character complains about sand getting everywhere (he's right though). The sandworms show up less often than my motivation to keep playing.
The spice economy makes no sense. Apparently I'm supposed to care about space drugs while dying of boredom in an endless desert that all looks exactly the same. My character moves like he's walking through actual quicksand made of loading screens.
Warning: May cause extreme thirst, hatred of deserts, and sudden appreciation for games with literally any other color palette.
Posted 29 September.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
29 people found this review helpful
3 people found this review funny
27.4 hrs on record
Early Access Review
My character has the combat skills of a confused potato wielding a wet noodle against enemies who apparently went to Harvard for advanced player destruction. Just kidding, they were cheating. Makes sense that it was the only player who actually went for ranked matches, as 99% of times - lobbies are empty.
Oh, maybe unranked is better? Well, if you like bots that is. Because lobbies are empty.
PVE lobbies? Well, they are usually half full. But everybody is fighting the same monster for the most common materials.
Sadly, the game cannot be recommended at this time.
Posted 29 September.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
< 1  2  3  4 ... 21 >
Showing 11-20 of 206 entries