:o

Scars are the original tattoo invented by nature, perfected by dirtbikes
☺/
/▌
/ \
But imagine you've JUST opened your browser to whatever your weirdest porn fetish is. You realize you have to go to the bathroom. You go in and do your business. You're one of those people who uses your phone while you do it. You finish and realize there's no toilet paper. You shuffle wide-legged to grab more TP, and at that moment you slip and fall. You reach out to get your balance and grab a towel, which rips the towel rack off the wall. It flies off and slashes your jugular. As you hit the ground, the headphones are ripped from the phone as your fingers manage to hit "repeat" on the song currently playing, which just so happens to be the worst song on your iTunes that you only had downloaded ironically.
You're bleeding out, but you hear the sound of your spouse/parent/child/roommate coming up stairs to see what the noise was. You have a fleeting image of what they'll see...you naked, poop-butted, the toilet unflushed, all to the soundtrack of "Friday" by Rebecca Black. You can't believe what's happening. The door flies open as you're losing consciousness. As your head falls to the side the last thing you see is your laptop sitting on the bed in the other room.
▄██████████████▄▐█▄▄▄▄█▌
██████▌▄▌▄▐▐▌███▌▀▀██▀▀
████▄█▌▄▌▄▐▐▌▀███▄▄█▌
▄▄▄▄▄██████████████▀

What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin.

____?Sexy?Sexy
___?Sexy?Sexy?R
___?Sexy?Sexy?R
__?Sexy?Sex..y?Se
_?Sexy?Sexy.?Se
_?Sexy?Sexy?Se
_?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?
?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy)
?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Se)
?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sex)
_?Sexy?__?Sexy?Sexy?Sex)
___?Sex____?Sexy?Sexy?
___?Sex_____?Sexy?Sexy
___?Sex_____?Sexy?Sexy
____?Sex____?Sexy?Sexy
_____?Se____?Sexy?Sex
______?Se__?Sexy?Sexy
_______?Sexy?Sexy?Sex
________?Sexy?Sexy?Sex
_______?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Se
_______?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?
_______?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy
_______?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy?R)
________?Sexy?Sexy____?Sexy?Sexy?Se)
_________?Sexy?Se_______?Sexy?Sexy?)
_________?Sexy?Se_____?Sexy?Sexy?
_________?Sexy?R____?Sexy?Sexy
_________?Sexy?R_?Sexy?Sexy
________?Sexy?Sexy?Sexy
________?Sexy?Sexy?R
________?Sexy?Sexy
_______?Sexy?Se
_______?Sexy?
______?Sexy?
______?Sexy?
______?Sexy?
______?Sexy
______?Sexy
_______?Sex
_______?Sex
_______ ?Sexy?