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░▄██▌██████▄█▄█▄█▄█▄█▄████ ▌██▌ You've been visited by the fedora
▐████▄▀▀▀▀████████████▀▀▀▀ ███ of mystery and autism!
▐█████████▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄████ █▀ tip yours to 5 friends or you'll be
░░░▀▀████████████████████ haunted by the spirit of fashionable wear

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ sucked into a bagel ♥

Gary, now I know I was wrong

I messed up, and now you're gone

Gary, I'm sorry I neglected you

Oh, I never expected you to run away and leave me

Feeling this empty

Your meow right now would sound like music to me

Please come home, 'cause I miss you, Gary

Gary, come home

(Gary, come home)

Gary, can't you see I was blind?

I'll do anything to change your mind

More than a pet, you're my best friend

Too cool to forget

Come back 'cause we are family

And forgive me for making you wanna roam

And now my heart is beating like the saddest metronome

Somewhere I hope you're reading

My latest three-word poem

Gary, come home

Gary, come home

(Gary, come home)

Gary, come home

(Gary, come home)

Gary, come home

(Gary, come home), ah

Gary, come home

Gary, come home

Gary, won't you come home?

You see lads, by only jacking my c0ck to Hentai I’ve transcended the human capacity to become aroused to visual stimuli. The very utterance of the Japanese language is enough to make me diamonds. During the day I’m a normal looking guy, but the moment I get home I dump all my notebook paper on my bed, douse myself in paint, and throw myself on the fallen leaflets pretending to be a 2D boy. My mom leaves me dinner, but 3D food disgusts me, so instead I take pictures of the food, print them out, and eat the paper. “Itadeckymass” I grumble through tears as the rough laminated paper lacerates my esophagus. My waifu is a cardboard cutout of Megumin, but last week we broke up after I told her that cardboard is actually 3D. I’m heartsick, but I’m true to who I am. I’ve been fapping the entire time you’ve been reading this actually, and the fact that you just visualized this means that I’m jacking off in your head.

I’ve truly transcended

TL;DR my son is a Terrorist!

I walked in on my son playing a video g* me, I was furious! He explained to me that he has to play this g* me called Counter Strike Global Offensive to kill Terrorists and prevent a Bomb from detonating! I was so proud of my patriotic and truly american son for killing these Terrorists that I forgave him for playing a video g* me!

Nevertheless I was suspicious, it is a video g* me! I spied on him for about 30 minutes and then I saw it, I SAW IT!!! HE WAS PLAYING AS A TERRORIST, MY SON LIED TO ME. HE TRIED TO HIDE THAT HE LIKES KILLING PEOPLE AND THAT HE LIKES BLOWING EVERYTHING UP!!! He thought that he could trick me, but I know the truth about my son and g* mers:

THEY ARE TERRORISTS and this g* me called Counter Strike Global Offensive is nothing but a hub to spread their believs and evil plans!

Ban video games now! Save your children from this evil g* me!