Recent reviews by [sbt] BLOKDAK

This game ROCKS! I downloaded and installed the demo for Linux and it was 100% KICKASS! It downloaded like IMMEDIATELY - the only thing faster was how quickly the ACTION started! Right out the box was some sort of puzzler (***SPOILER ALERT***) a choose-your-own-adventure style Steam client-styled popup with what APPEARS to be only a single choice: click the "OK" button or quit the game... Doesn't sound like much, does it? I know, right? That's what I thought too until I read what ELSE was in the box (and what wasn't, gosh!) - only these cryptic words:

"Altitude - Demo is not available on your current platform."

*MIND. BLOWN.* Why? OBVIOUSLYbecause like, literally RIGHT NEXT to the "DOWNLOAD DEMO" button is a picture of Tux the Penguin (mostly known for how much he urinates inside the house) - next to that is Eve's apple (Original Sin is such a B!TC#, right? THANKS, Eve... NOT!), and then that folded-up napkin in the wind (does anyone know what that's for? I have NO IDEA, but I tots LUV it!). I mean, so you'd think that this game could be played basically anywhere - I mean, probably don't need more than a couple batteries and some lemons to boot this baby up - I mean, it says STEAMPLAY right there too... So WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?

Anyways - I've been playing the demo for HOURS now on my mean bean machine (otherwise known as Linux, LOL) and I'm still puzzling it out... Tux logo + unavailble on Lin(T)ux... I dare not click "OK" when the answer must be so OBVIOUSLY staring me in the face - I mean, there's probably an achievement for a perfect runthrough (I mean, if I click OK i'd be admitting what? That you shouldn't put pictures of Tux next to things that don't run on Linux? Uh, DUH! So OBVIOUS, right?)

Anyway - you innocent fools can count on episode 2 of my review of this demo as soon as I beat the demo in Linux...

BEST GAME EVER!

Joe: "For the last time, I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff."
Secretary of State: "But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes."
Attorney General (Sara Rue): "So wait a minute. What you're saying is that you want us to put water on the crops."
Joe: "Yes."
Attorney General: "Water. Like out the toilet?"
Joe: "Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea."
Secretary of State: "But Brawndo's got what plants crave."
Attorney General: "It's got electrolytes."
Joe: "Okay, look. The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow."
Secretary of Energy (Brendan Hill): "Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet."
Secretary of State: "Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world?"
Joe: "Okay, look. You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave?"
Attorney General: "Brawndo's got what plants crave."
Secretary of Energy: "Yeah, it's got electrolytes."
Joe: "What are electrolytes? Do you even know?"
Secretary of State: "It's what they use to make Brawndo."
Joe: "Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo?"
Secretary of Defense: "'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes."