John Wick my idol

After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard wiener push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.

"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.

This one felt personal

Certified Stalker. I constantly see him hiding in Trees or suspiciously walking around the area multiple times a day. My theory is that he´s a massive Simp and his goal is to kidnap all the E-Girls here, I just don´t feel safe anymore. He´s even in Kahoots with the Cops! When you try to talk to him and tell him he´s being creepy, he just acts like he´s invisible and giggles??? Probably thinks he´s an Overpowered Anime character or something, Weirdo Weeb. He´s been acting like he´s a Special Agent ever since a Shelf with Anime Figurines fell off his wall onto his head while playing Hitman 2. The figures broke in the accident, so I threw them away when i visited him after he got released from the hospital. He´s since been accusing me of "kidnapping his wife". If you can call a Mai Sakurajima BUNNY VER. 1/4 SCALE PVC STATUE a Wife, then sure. Probably in a trash compactor somwhere lmao.

you're pounding me onii-chan