You will never be a real incel. You have no autism, you have no negative canthal tilt, you have no deep seated emotional resentment. You are a well-adjusted man twisted by irony and memes into a crude mockery of a stone cold virgin.

All the “rejection” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back girls love you. Your parents are proud and happy for you, "Stacies” swoon over your masculine appearance behind closed doors.

Women are utterly smitten with you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed women to sniff out chads with incredible efficiency. Even incels who “pass” look strong and charismatic to a woman. Your deep voice and good sense of humor are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to earn a little online incel clout, you'll get cancelled the second your DMs get leaked and everybody gets a glimpse of the e-girls thirsting over you.

I Wanted to reach out to you following this morning's class. i really appreciated your contributions to our discussion, but felt that i should follow up with you.

I noticed that, during class, you appeared to consume an entire chocolate cake. Normally i would never be one to police my students eating habits, but i reviewed the class recording and you finished the whole thing in 43 seconds. i'm pretty sure i watched you unhinge your jaw like some kind of a snake.

is everything going okay at home? is your jaw okay? Please let me know i can be of any support.

Hey buddy I am not trying to embarrass you I just want you to know that it is pretty smelly over here and it has been stinky for the last 10 minutes. If you need to go to the bathroom you're good to go.

I cant believe its been 5 years. Time fly's when you're having fun i guess, right? That so crazy. To think when i first met you i trapped you under a bridge and had my way with you. Well i guess that's how these things happen. I really miss you and i know you feel the same way too. That's so cool. I don't mind that you haven't reached out in a while because distance makes the heart grow fonder. Its such an amazing thing, love that is. Maybe one day, when you finally return my messages haha, we can catch up. I love you baby.

I saw you walking down the street the other day and tried to call out to you but i had noticed you were busy eating something. When i caught up to see what it was i was flabbergasted to learn it was literally the whole ass of a cow. Now normally i would have let u gone on about your business and forgot about it but the whole ass? Like i'm just wondering how u managed to even get it in the first place. Anyways just wanted to share this with you cause i would also like to purchase a whole cow ass.

move n