Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

You should take it as a compliment
That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk🗣️
You should think about the consequence
Of your magnetic field being a little too strong🧲
And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us
He's in the club doing, I don't know what💃
You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much😠 (I hate you so much)
Whisky on ice🍺 , Sunset and Vine🌅
You've ruined my life, by not being mine❌
You're so gorgeous 😍
I can't say anything to your face😳
'Cause look at your face
And I'm so furious😡
At you for making me feel this way
But, what can I say?😕
You're gorgeous😍
You should take it as a compliment
That I'm talking to everyone here but you (but you, but you)🗣️
And you should think about the consequence
Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)✋
If you've got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her
But if you're single that's honestly worse
'Cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts😍
(Honey, it hurts)

Do you like my sword, sword?
Sword, my diamond sword, sword
You cannot afford, ‘ford
‘Ford my diamond sword, sword
Even if you could, could
I have a patent!
No one else can make a sword
Exactly in this manner, manner
Welcome to my manor, manor
I ca-ca-ca-canna, canna
Swing, swing, swing my sword, sword
Whenever I get bored, bored
I can swing my sword, sword
I can swing my sword, sword
Once I hit the floorboards
But I had it restored
And it was expensive
But it was a write-off!
Swinging is my business
And by that I mean swinging swords
Please do not ignore
Do you like my sword?
Ha!
That was rhetorical
You know I am the oracle
I know you like my sword
It's made of freakin’ diamonds
If you don't, you're lyin'
But that would be fine
Because it is awesome
And you’re probably jealous!
I can swing my sword, sword
‘Cause I am the lord, lord
Lord of diamond swords

+rep we sang Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson together, it wasn't too bad

This guy once ate an entire carton of eggs raw on live leak and then proceeded to take a dump into a toilet bowl full of maggots. He also then proceeded to eat the doo doo maggots