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I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girl's shoulder today.
I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my ♥♥♥♥ was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies.

Epic Film Fact: Lightning McQueen, star of the 2006 blockbuster film "Cars" is a statutory rápist. In the film Lightning meets and falls in love with a car named Sally Carrera, a 2002 Porsche 911. This makes Sally only 4 years old during the film (which takes place in 2006). Lightning on the other hand is a stock car and while his age isn't expressly given, we know that an average stock car can race for 20 to 30 years. Because lightning is the best we can assume that he is 30 years old at the end of "Cars 3", which takes place in 2017, 11 years after "Cars". This would make Lightning 19 years old when he meets Sally. As the majority of the films take place in the United States, which has the age of consent set at 17 years old, every time Lightning sticks his engine shaft in Sally's exhaust pipe he is committing statutory rápe.

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