Mayo Addicts

With the holiday season looming on the horizon, Discord during this time of the year is generally filled with nothing but good vibes, flowing banter and Canaan’s shwaampie nutsack. However, as you can tell by the title of this post, over the past few weeks something has just felt off. The atmosphere has been chaotic, confusing and so tense that you could cut right through it with a mushroom tip (IYKYK).

But why? Why are we going to bed angry most nights? Why has there been an influx of sneak dissing? Why is the music bot at a higher volume than your fellow peers? For me the answer is obvious - the recent surplus of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Ls across the board. The daily occurrence of “VICTORY” followed by “so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ez lmao” trashtalk is becoming a distant memory along with group leader Keegan’s clapped hairline. So anyways, who is to blame for the abundance of Ls that we have been taking? Are we all washed? Do we have to accept this reality or are our glory days still salvageable? Let’s take a closer look at the lifestyle updates of some of the group members and see if we can draw any conclusions.

Donovan Dinx Wallace - Had a shaky start on Overwatch but after realising that Widow had an awp, he was right back at home. Besides still using domes 7 years into his relationship, there is nothing we can really knit pick at. He holds it down on League for the boys and without him, the League arc probably would’ve ended months ago, but there is always a sense of hope with a cheeky dinx pick.

Justin SpareKota Theron - Honestly had nothing bad to say about this gent until a recent video circulated of him fingering a freshly opened pack of butter. It’s honestly foul behaviour and deserves suspension imo. His only alabi right now is that he is the only person willing to be our mercy eGirl.

Keegan HostageHolder McMaster - I’ve really tried my hardest to believe that he still has it, that he can still be the guy to rely on when you need a dub, but ever since he threw the ESEA S39 Final, it’s just so hard to back him. Let me not be too critical though, he still does some good deeds like plugging the boys with gym playlists, farms hahas and keeps the horny cumslut Jannie in check so the rest of us don’t have to.

Gerhard de Ghezah - Man it really is a hard pill to swallow but the days of Ghezah being a multi game anchor are long gone :( he hasn’t had any other game installed besides League for the past year. I really hope he bites the bullet and coppels a new 144hz monitor so we can get Mekanik arc Ghezah back one day. Still goes without saying that he is one of the pillars that keep the discord standing most nights.

Kyle McCassidy Drennan - Recently announced that he lost feeling in his fingers due to a tattoo but I think we all know that is came from gutting too hard. I hope his nervous system starts working again so that he can go back to his hard carrying ways on Overwatch. (Keegan also asks if you can stop picking doomfist)

Canaan and Kogan the druggies - The ying and yang of Sea Point, Cape Town, these okes are so far gone since discovering the dangerous endeavour of skitting your biscuit at Modular while absolutely cooked up on god knows what. It’s so blatantly obvious that these guys are a few jols away from rehab by the absurd amount of denial that they are in when you call them out for being drug addicts. Oh and, we have reason to believe they might be bapsing each other after overhearing Canaan the one night whispering “Kogan come over and let’s watchamoveE” when they thought I was afk in discord.

Jandre Haha Dood Botha - Has the lowest ping on League but still the highest brain delay, if you get an ace on League, don’t expect him to rush any objective with you, the guy is literally more horny for high cs than actually winning a league game. Apparently he kinda nasty at forging swords though so won’t take that away from him.

Mushroom Tip Tyler - This gent literally spawned a wife out of nowhere and is going to have a kid by mid 2023. Unironically went from chowing boxmasters to being a boxmaster. Still a chad at games but hopefully he can stop saying “Yoh brah I can only play dps” and actually learn how to play literally any hero other than soldier.

Cole - 🔇

Jordan 1&2 - I wish we coud swap both of you guys for one good Jordan instead of having two bad Jordan’s.

Nxamzo - Robbed playlive.co.za and copped Kyle a GTI as a result.

Michael The Author Lawrence - Not to get deep but all of the boys have been keeping me distracted and have helped me through an emotionally enduring recent arc. I know that tough times never last and I’ll reach my final form soon and impregnate one of the gents in discord soon to continue my legacy when I move to the UK next year.

Until next time - M.L