With the holiday season looming on the horizon, Discord during this time of the year is generally filled with nothing but good vibes, flowing banter and Canaan’s shwaampie nutsack. However, as you can tell by the title of this post, over the past few weeks something has just felt off. The atmosphere has been chaotic, confusing and so tense that you could cut right through it with a mushroom tip (IYKYK).

But why? Why are we going to bed angry most nights? Why has there been an influx of sneak dissing? Why is the music bot at a higher volume than your fellow peers? For me the answer is obvious - the recent surplus of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Ls across the board. The daily occurrence of “VICTORY” followed by “so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ez lmao” trashtalk is becoming a distant memory along with group leader Keegan’s clapped hairline. So anyways, who is to blame for the abundance of Ls that we have been taking? Are we all washed? Do we have to accept this reality or are our glory days still salvageable? Let’s take a closer look at the lifestyle updates of some of the group members and see if we can draw any conclusions.

Donovan Dinx Wallace - Had a shaky start on Overwatch but after realising that Widow had an awp, he was right back at home. Besides still using domes 7 years into his relationship, there is nothing we can really knit pick at. He holds it down on League for the boys and without him, the League arc probably would’ve ended months ago, but there is always a sense of hope with a cheeky dinx pick.

Justin SpareKota Theron - Honestly had nothing bad to say about this gent until a recent video circulated of him fingering a freshly opened pack of butter. It’s honestly foul behaviour and deserves suspension imo. His only alabi right now is that he is the only person willing to be our mercy eGirl.

Keegan HostageHolder McMaster - I’ve really tried my hardest to believe that he still has it, that he can still be the guy to rely on when you need a dub, but ever since he threw the ESEA S39 Final, it’s just so hard to back him. Let me not be too critical though, he still does some good deeds like plugging the boys with gym playlists, farms hahas and keeps the horny cumslut Jannie in check so the rest of us don’t have to.

Gerhard de Ghezah - Man it really is a hard pill to swallow but the days of Ghezah being a multi game anchor are long gone :( he hasn’t had any other game installed besides League for the past year. I really hope he bites the bullet and coppels a new 144hz monitor so we can get Mekanik arc Ghezah back one day. Still goes without saying that he is one of the pillars that keep the discord standing most nights.

Kyle McCassidy Drennan - Recently announced that he lost feeling in his fingers due to a tattoo but I think we all know that is came from gutting too hard. I hope his nervous system starts working again so that he can go back to his hard carrying ways on Overwatch. (Keegan also asks if you can stop picking doomfist)

Canaan and Kogan the druggies - The ying and yang of Sea Point, Cape Town, these okes are so far gone since discovering the dangerous endeavour of skitting your biscuit at Modular while absolutely cooked up on god knows what. It’s so blatantly obvious that these guys are a few jols away from rehab by the absurd amount of denial that they are in when you call them out for being drug addicts. Oh and, we have reason to believe they might be bapsing each other after overhearing Canaan the one night whispering “Kogan come over and let’s watchamoveE” when they thought I was afk in discord.

Jandre Haha Dood Botha - Has the lowest ping on League but still the highest brain delay, if you get an ace on League, don’t expect him to rush any objective with you, the guy is literally more horny for high cs than actually winning a league game. Apparently he kinda nasty at forging swords though so won’t take that away from him.

Mushroom Tip Tyler - This gent literally spawned a wife out of nowhere and is going to have a kid by mid 2023. Unironically went from chowing boxmasters to being a boxmaster. Still a chad at games but hopefully he can stop saying “Yoh brah I can only play dps” and actually learn how to play literally any hero other than soldier.

Cole - 🔇

Jordan 1&2 - I wish we coud swap both of you guys for one good Jordan instead of having two bad Jordan’s.

Nxamzo - Robbed playlive.co.za and copped Kyle a GTI as a result.

Michael The Author Lawrence - Not to get deep but all of the boys have been keeping me distracted and have helped me through an emotionally enduring recent arc. I know that tough times never last and I’ll reach my final form soon and impregnate one of the gents in discord soon to continue my legacy when I move to the UK next year.

Until next time - M.L

2022/01/08

As I sit here at roughly 3:37am, it comes to me with great sadness to announce that the boys are no longer FPS chads.

After the release of pog series - Arcane, I made the big mistake of begging all the boys to download League. Long story short, it has resulted in all the FPS Chads in the cord swiftly transforming into MOBA Monkas...

Long gone are the days that used to consist of one tapping noobs on cs, one clipping okes on Apex with a telescope flatty (jasis what a beautiful feeling that was, only a few okes can relate, eish) or even bursting into uncontrollable laughter after Keegan's monthly whiffs on Train.

We're now stuck in a continuous loop of okes inting bot lane, dying to chimkens and getting absolutely mid gapped by bronze Yassuos... not to mention the constant copium excuse of "brah im getting tower dived" meanwhile okes are nowhere near their tower.

I hope that the dopamine of getting a single win after 10 surrenders everyday soon runs out and we can return to our natural habitat aka the battlegrounds of World's Edge and Mirage.

Inshallah our pockets are becoming shallow and we simply cannot fall into the bottomless pit of in-game cosmetics again.

I truly don't know if I can go another day getting my ♥♥♥♥ rolled by iron and bronze players running league on a pentium laptop with a microsoft office mouse. So for now im calling it quits. You can catch me on cs, apex and GTA races.


Regards,
m1 Ramen Soju Nervex

Jandre Michael Botha the face of leading the Mayo distributions industry in gaming has meticulously come up with the globalisation of Mayo addicts enterprises™ and is now a pioneer in the Mayo industry for his entrepreneurial endeavour in Georgia.

JMB the most handsome eBoy not only made his own Mayo™ Vape flavour and is now the in the Free state forbes top 100 richest farmers. The shareholders of Mayo Addicts™ have given him the financial freedom to go to Georgia and set up our new international hub for Mayo Addicts™ which is a brand of eBoys™ and not only distribute his own Mayo vape flavour but to give the population of Georgia a taste of our ZA Mayo, this will be JMB's very own produced sample.

Jandre has come up with 3 unique flavours which have been thoroughly tested by our very own Mayo testers.
The flavours include:
-Zamalek Mayo
-Georgian Monster Mayo
-Sweet pineapple Mayo

We thank JMB for his courageous venture and we know he has the skills to produce Mayo and run our international scene.

From Majority Shareholder of Mayo Addicts™ which is a sub brand of eBoys official™

Currently posting this whilst im on break soon to return to my hell hole of a workplace.

The schedule this weekend will be as follows:
CS mms until we get bored or find cheaters
Miss Jannie
Video call with k9 ft. his nutsack
Complain that the cord is dead on the weekends
Sneak diss in other voice channels
Watch a movie with edgy earl and ghezah (dont miss this)
Cheeky giggles and homosexual comments towards each other
End off the days with kisses and cheeky GTA races.

Absolute banger of a weekend planned can't wait

As I write this update snuggled up in my fluffy blankie I am saddened by the recent loss of fellow boy, mayo addict and ♥♥♥ guzzler, Jandre Botha.

Jannie AKA yoink/scumbagzeusgod has opted for the cowards route and fled to georgie by means of a refugee visa. He has taken his milf mommy and his rat dogs overseas and sold all his belongings in hopes of becoming the next up and coming vaping hooligan on the georgian streets. Myself and the boys bid him a farewell and he will be sorely missed, the rust grind will continue in jannies place james has solidifed himself as the groups next bully victim.

Mike, the fps warlord that he is has stayed strong on his golden foot path to greatness as he has proceeded to establish and dominate both the apex and the rust competitive scene. Happily devoted to his korean queen we expect mike to have three kids by the end of the year and dapple has been assigned babysitting duty. Over all still a strong contender for boy of the year but the competition is tight.

Gerhard De Lange aka Ghezah aka daBaby has quit his job at the pink sosig factory and is now embarking on his own journey of self discovery and acceptance avidly swinging the 50KG dumbbells around at gym he has taken kogan as his apprentice (luke and yoda type beat) Recently retired from rust he has found himself in a downward spiral of games ( he said he been workin idk what that means) Solid 8/10 contestant for boy of the year

T$ aka tyler olivier aka adaro our resident cs pro had been retrenched from goliath gaming for lack of a better words, slacking. too many days of getting grilled before and after (sometimes during) mm games has led him to becoming a box boy at his local factory. That lasted 3 days then he quit rofl, but he said to the boys hes gonna study so i guess he is in the clear for now. He is definitely in the running for boy of the year but is not top 5.

Kogan aka itallian stallion remains a fly on the wall amongst the boys, most dedicated boyfriend we have ever seen often on duty and gaming at his spouses house like a real man should. Currently awaiting the inevitable return of competitive halo so he can once again stomp on cole and k9s necks. Strong and forever loyal Kogan benette and marmaduke remain competitive in the boy of the year championship.

Cole fleshlight flesch is aloof among the boys easily switching between deafened darrens and falling asleep at his chair with ease, remains to be confirmed that cole is actually a 75 year old man in his parents attic. Like kogan coletrain is also awaiting his return to duty in the halo battlefield, that is if his rust addiction doesnt kill him first. Single and always ready to mingle cole will always give his best foot forward when it comes to winning the boy of the year championship, big underdog tho.

Kyle Drennesy aka edgy earl has been nothing but astounding in his unhinged ferocity towards his enemies on worlds edge as well as on mirage and dust twele. His recent plays in rust have been questionable but as long as he is having a good time the boys are having a good time. Not much is known about this elusive creature but he is constantly mizzing camzos invites to caps which can only mean they are not mates. After returning from the Tokyo olympics without the gold in his BMX division the world can only hope edgy earl can bounce back from this. Top 2 contender in the boys championship.

Keegan "pubstomper" mcmaster has proven to be the most solid out of this rowdy bunch by being a devoted cuck to his wife claire often ditching the boys on the weekend (even on saturdays and we all know what saturdays are for)
We respect his grind and his unfaultering devotion to apex legend public lobbies. He reached diamond 4 two seasons in a row and never looked back (never looked forward either cause he was hardstuck) The glue that binds the boys ♥♥♥♥♥ together. if not for his constant ditching on the weekends this individual would defnitely be in line for boy of the year alas we move.

K9 friedman, what can i say about this absolute monstrosity of a human being. He remains to be the only ray of light at the end of the darkest of tunnels. NASA has recently classified his nuts as a dwarf planet. If you dont see this goblin on kings canyon you can find him vandalising the neighbors VW UP. Only man that has never caught a fish at daalstrim and probably never will. K9 could probably put the whole world on his nutsack without even flinching. Expect him to blindside the crowd and contend for first in this years boys championship.

Gents who have not qualified for the boys championships but will receive honorable mentions:
Camzo: Math teacher and monka gamer still dying to animals in rust
Jordan Rhodes: Recently acquired a goth titty girlfriend possible depressed the rest is history
James: Underage and ready to ♥♥♥♥ any man who steps in his way, talks to his door and gets off at 9pm
Ronan: yoh bra im sorry but you just not funny enough

As for myself, Justin AKA Da burger king aka frank gallagher. I have been watching the boys from a safe distance for years and can confidently say that these chaps are the most dapper and funny gents in the southern hemisphere. When the world smacks you up side the head and kicks you in the scrotum you can always count on the boys to make even the grimmest of days better. Girlfriend dumped you and ♥♥♥♥♥♥ your homie? join the boys discord. You just lost your job at the box factory? join the boys discord. your parents think you are a loser and shun you from the family? join the boys discord.
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This has been the quarterly boys update.
MayoAddicts 4 Life.