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Full story here on the Rockstar Newswire.[www.rockstargames.com]

And when I say "full," I mean "standard Rockstar teasing that confirms very little. If it's to be believed, they allegedly haven't abandoned the money-printing GTA Online or its afterbirth cousin, Red Dead Online.

The three screenshots show a Red Dead jungle cat, presumably some kind of rare boss you'll never get to see, a new GTA supercar (overpriced, no doubt), and some Red Dead dude with what we can only assume are new microtransaction-only cosmetics.

Digging through the text brings up a few points. On the Red Dead side, there's some variety of "all-new Role," that aims to "introduce players to the secrets of naturalism." This doesn't bode well. All of the Roles need to be purchased with the microtransaction currency this big-budget game somehow has, and they are all boring, repetitive grinding. Worse, this one sounds to me to be thematically similar to systems that already exist in game: you're already picking plants and crafting crap out of them.

Worse, the post mentions "a new Outlaw Pass," Rockstar's latest attempt to cash in on the hottest new anticonsumer fad of pay-to-grind passes. In game with little to do. In which clothing and consumables are commonplace. Atrocious. Do you really expect anything more from the asshats behind the "season pass" concept of excised/resold content from a full-priced unfinished product?

On the (possibly) bright side, those of us who still play Red Dead so as to not lose our months of grinding can look forward to "tons of community-requested features and fixes," "including some new extensions and augmentations to an existing role in Red Dead Online." Does that mean it won't disconnect at the drop of a hat? Will Camps finally ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ load properly? Will be able to make private games, like we could in GTA IV & V, and Red Dead Revolver 2: The Redemption?

Doubt it. The game has so many issues that even my point-form review hit the character limit. Still, "a massive new update" hits RDO on Tuesday the 28th, yeah, THIS coming Tuesday. But I'm not getting my hopes up.

As for GTA Online, which is legitimately fun if you're playing it properly (in Closed Sessions with friends, communicating through external chat programs, deliberately making Empty Public Sessions for the few gameplay modes you bother to do that requires a Public), there's some new ♥♥♥♥ inbound. "A summer update to GTA Online is [...] on the way," the Newswire post continues, claiming it'll offer "a fun mix of diverse new content." So, what, some silly new Adversary Modes that'll need 4 people and no one will touch after the 2x Rewards introductory week?

More interesting is the next bit: "the biggest ever update for GTA Online, featuring our latest take on Heists in an entirely new location." Now that right there is exciting. Original Heists were great, IF you could get a group of four people together who knew what the hell they were doing. Doomsday Heist improved on the concept, no longer requiring four ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, and the open-world Prep gameplay meant you could knock out all of your Preps solo in an Empty Public before wrapping up the Setups with only one other friend online.

The Casino Heist made it even better, with picking out your Crew, choosing approaches, and tons of replayability. Even better, you didn't even need a Public Session, so you and your bros could blast through that ♥♥♥♥ in a Closed Crew and run a Casino Heist a day if you wanted. We'll see what this one offers.

But "biggest ever update" and "entirely new location" for a new Heist? I'm sure someone's already datamined what he could out of this but I haven't looked anything up yet.

We'll see what happens "in the months to come," in the "summer update," and "[l]ater this year." Just don't buy any microtransactions.