All Are Welcome to The Enlightened Path

All those who confide trust in Johnsus will find eternal life in death. The story of his sacrifice, touches all human beings; it is the greatest story ever told. To understand his plight is to understand life itself. One must understand life as they understand Johnsus, for Johnsus is life. Johnsus is our one true savior, a creator incarnate.

Johnsus of Covinareth was born in the fourteenth century B.C. in modern day Azerbaijan to a virgin bovine, from whence he lived off of the land until the age of seventeen. From this point on he gave life to all beings and creatures, and created the internet. Among the many miracles performed by him upon the Ugandan people, his kindness had no end. He invented cheese cake so that the Gaelic people's may live in harmony, he perfected electricity so that man may harvest it. He is the light of life. In the book of John, written by Mother Bovine, his journey is recounted. His existence as an electronic entity is still shrouded in mystery to this day. His mortal body destroyed by the Israelites in battle. Many have claimed to be him, but none can replace the one true Johnsus.

One who does not believe in Johnsus, believes in nothing. Follow the path of light, or let darkness consume you.