May Squints bless you...

We are The Church of Squints. Squints is our leader as fortold by the holy movie "The Sandlot". He is a kind, gental soul. But he is also a fierce warrior, ready to devour the very soul of his enemy. His powers are so vast, the universe cannot contain his glory. Every 7th of April, we sacrifice a virgin Sloth to please him. Wendy Peppercorn is the chosen bride of Squints. She is the chosen one who will birth the master race.

Our prayer: Squints of The Sandlot, we pray for your great power to wash over us and forgive us of our sins. May your glasses see through our selfish desires as we praise your name.

Our motto: "For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver! For-ev-ver!"