IT IS I RAPTOR JESUS

He went extinct for your sins to save you from Satanasaurus Rex”
~ Cretaceous 3:27
“Beware the VelociRapture and the second coming of Raptor Jesus...”
~ Crazy Religious Drunk
“The Corinthians' third letter to Raptor Jesus came back slashed and stained with blood.”
~ The DiploPope
Raptor Jesus roamed the Earth circa 90,000,000-65,000,000 BHC (Before Human Christ). He was born when God Himself was still only a teenager. His execution is thought to be the cause of the extinction of the dinosaurs, as God was mad at the Romans for aiding in His son's death twice. He earned a bachelor's degree in microelectronic engineering at RIT. Raptor Jesus went on to earn his PhD in aerospace engineering at Texas A&M University. Later, Raptor Jesus got bored, so he went on to receive his CPA certification in the state of New Jersey. His academic career was constantly challenged by his ladysmanship. He is now working in Hooters and will soon be the manager in a later period. He aspires to retire to El Paso, Texas, where he may consider opening a crochet supply boutique with an elderly prostitute.