you a gamer dude? me and my girlfriend, we're a gamer couple alright? zombies? i don't think so. 2 rounds with the pulse rifle? take em out. i prefer the shotgun tho. shotgun'll- shotgun'll make it's- it's bad news for any zombie. i'll take on the entire zombie apocalypse, just gimme a shotgun. you ready for the zombie apocalypse? you just get back from vidcon? i-i'm goin to comiccon. did you go to the convention? i'm going to comiccon. and i'm gonna meet all my favourite ironman and all my favourite characters are gonna be there and my favourite comicbook artists. yeah i'm really-i'm really souped for uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh diablo iii. when it comes out in 2014. am i right? epic fail blizzard, epic fail... uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just went to a steampunk convention. flew there in uh a steam powered gyro copter with my musket and my corncob pipe and my monocle. and an ascot and a newsie cap aaand doc martens and suspenders. and my characters name is humperdink. that's my character. humperdink. and i'm 32 years old, so i guess he's level 32. aaand i have a kid with my wife. and my wife i could've ♥♥♥♥♥♥, if you were gonna use a rating scale to rate women, which is disgusting, and if you do that you're a disgusting person. but my wife is a six point... eh no my wife's a five. i could've ♥♥♥♥♥♥ a 6.5 uhhh but i'm a disgusting pig. i'm a slob. i smell. i have bad hygeine. she has the worst hygeine, which is why i'm comfortable with her because that's how i- because that's the way.. i'll make that i'll take that choice. i will make that compromise. that's my uuuh yknow. thats what i'll do. i'll forego a 6.5 in favour of a sloppy, 5. because i'm comfortable with the way i smell around her. because i smell really bad. and we have a kid. we have a little baby.. that we shouldn't of had but we did cus i don't know cus i do wanna.. i do wanna yknow. procreate. i wanna yknow. see my- my offspring in the world. cus that's important to the when uhhh you know... aaaaand i gave him some little f****t name. like arcadian. i named my kid arcadian, so that my kid has to suffer my steampunk... desires. but the good news is he'll proberly-probably grow up to be a loser and he'll like his name. he'll like the name arcadian because he'll be so stupid, cus he come from my genetic stock so he'll yknow he'll be wearing rose tinted vampire glasses. at some point. and corduroys. yknow. so it all works out.

Play time's over, sit down and shut up. Later on tonight, there's gonna be a match for the tag team titles between the Acolytes and X-Pac & Kane, whatever whatever, it's not important. The fact of the matter is, this Sunday at Summerslam the winner of that match will come face to face with this. And to make sure that my man was right, this week I put him to the test. I had Paul Bearer call out to California - San Fernando Valley to some associates of ours at the Local 81 - Paul said we're gonna need two bikes for a ride in the desert. The guy said 'Brother Paul, now we know that the Dead Man can handle it, but I don't know about the Big Show. It's August, it's 120 degrees in the middle of Death Valley.' He says 'the only things that survive in the desert are the cold-blooded...the snakes and the lizards.' Paul said 'that's all right, and in one of those bikes that you're setting up for us, I want you the Big Show to only have enough gas to get to the middle of the desert and not get back.'

So we're on our way - we get to the middle of Death Valley - 120 degrees, the Big Show's bike runs out of gas. And I pull up next to him and I ask him this question: 'It's 120 degrees, how are you gonna survive?' He looks me straight in the eyes, without hesitation, he says 'I'm gonna wait 'til you go to sleep, I'm gonna stab you in the back, I'm gonna cut your flesh off, make a coat out of it, and I'm gonna eat YOUR flesh until I find food.' I said 'Good answer big man, but I don't sleep,' and I drove off and left him. I waited on the outskirts of the desert. Two days later, he walks out with a snake necktie and lizard boots, carryin' his Harley-Davidson on his shoulder. The point of the story is this. What used to be known as SummerSlam will now be known as Armageddon, and whoever shows up...will be hurt.

There are few things that are truly badass. There's me, The Undertaker, The American Badass. There's the Hell's Angels, mmm you don't wanna mess with them. There's the special forces; the SEALS, the Rangers. And there are those that play football in the XFL. They're bad to the bone.

FREE PIZZY* FOR EVERY SUCCESSFUL SUICIDE BOMBING IN A EUROPEAN OR NORTH AMERICAN STATE OF YOUR CHOICE!!!
























































*doesn't include the cheese filled crust pizzy

More to come((so they can buy after beheading the infidels))