I'm actually a pedophile. I derive pleasure by watching girls do P.E. at the local elementary school. When I see their smooth, flat, unmarried bodies, I can barely contain my hormones. I mean, elementary schoolers are the best. That's not all. I also have a serious mother complex and kiss my mother's picture before school every morning. And when I get home, I change into baby clothes and get smothered with baby talk… equipped with pacifier and rattle, of course! I have a sister complex, too. I have always make my sister sleep next to me. When she's not home, it's only natural to sneak into her room and smell her blanket. I draw the line at looking for her underwear to keep from becoming immoral. That's important, the most important thing! On top of that, I'm extremely unfaithful. I've got like 10 girls right now. I even go out to forbidden places every night, starting with the go-go, then moving on to the twist and the lambada. From Dom Perrier to go-go to hey-hey! Do you know what the lambada is? The lambada!!! My goal is to conquer all women on the internet!