I eat baboon feces for breakfast.

- The root of all evil is not accepting Burger into your life, all evil commited by someone is because they have not yet accepted Burger or have abandoned Burger.

- Depression and other mental illnesses do not really exist, they are just Burger trying to communicate with you and you are not listening. Therefore to remove any of these illnesses you must recite the song of Burger and pay $99.99 (plus tax) and listen to him.

- The path to salvation is removing yourself of the Triginometry equations of punishment, relieving you of all your suffering. After you remove the Trig. equations of punishment you become an immortal and you become the Great Being of the planet earth.

- Burger has come to earth from the planet "Burger Town" or as we call it, "PSR B1620-26 b" along with nine other Great Beings from other planets, Burger being the first.

- The other Great Beings that came to the planet earth with Burger are all immortal except for one, who attempted to betray Sarah Palin.

Here is the list of all the great beings that have existed to this date, in order of greatness.

1. Edward Burger, "The Beginning"
2. Mitt Romney, "The Creator"
3. Larry King, "The Son"
4. Bob Ross, "The Editor"
5. Sarah Palin, "The Canadian"
6. Shaun from Accounting, "The Guy We All Know"
7. Bruce Lee, "The False Being"
8. John Laufer, "The Prophet"
9. The Ghost of Stonewall Jackson, "The Alien Ghost"
10. Danny Devito, "God"

Congratulations to the two dicksacks Gay and BJ that joined our beautiful sexfest. You'll get your penis probe and dragon dildo in a week.

Hey guys, Ebola here with an update, it's okay to furiously masturbate to the lord Burger until your ♥♥♥♥ turns red and the dragon dildo falls out of your ass.

I can't sit down